Podcast Ep 367 - Do friends and family doubt your photography business?

In this raw and relatable episode, Heather shares a powerful coaching conversation with an Elevate member facing a struggle so many creatives experience: what do you do when the people closest to you don’t support your business dreams?

When doubt, criticism, or dismissive comments come from a spouse, parent, or friend—it hurts. But what if you didn’t need their validation to keep going? Tune in for mindset shifts around approval, boundaries, and building belief in yourself—no permission required.

Show Notes: 

•  The emotional toll of not feeling understood by those closest to you
•  Why seeking approval is a losing game—and what to focus on instead
•  A coaching conversation about boundaries, compassion, and mindset
•  How trying to “fix” others can actually hinder their journey
•  Practical tools for standing firm in your business—even when others don’t get it

Join our next free coaching workshop: www.getcoachedbyheather.com

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Connect: 

Heather Lahtinen: Website, Facebook, Instagram

TRANSCRIPT

You're listening to the Flourish Academy podcast and today we are talking about

seeking approval. My name is Heather Lahtinen and I'm a photographer, educator and

entrepreneur and I founded the Flourish Academy as a resource for photographers of

all levels. We want to help you pursue your passion on your own terms because we

believe there is room for everyone. In this podcast, we focus on creating

breakthroughs with your mindset to discover the things that are really holding you

back in business and life. Today, I'm sharing a recent conversation with one of our

Elevate members who was wrestling with a challenge that I think so many of us face,

maybe all of us. And that's when the people closest to us don't understand,

support, or validate our photography, business dreams,

or even just our approach. And of course, we want the approval of the people that

we care about, whether that's a spouse, a parent, a friend, their opinions can feel

heavy, especially when they question our pricing, or they doubt our ability to

succeed, or maybe even suggest that our business is, and I quote, just a cute

little hobby. And that can hurt because we care. But here's the truth,

their approval is not required for your success. Your dreams are valid because you

hold them. The only permission you need is your own. Coaching helps you untangle

those emotions and regain your power. And that helps you to build confidence, but

it's not by changing others, it's by transforming how you show up.

Because when you believe in yourself deeply, then their doubts cannot derail you.

This episode is a reminder that you don't need to convince anyone of your worth or

your business. You just need to keep going. This is exactly why I believe everyone

needs a coach. So you can gain the tools to stand strong in your vision,

even when others don't see it. I hope that you enjoy our conversation. So my

husband, lately, this is more of a call about him and how to deal with him,

mindset -wise, because he, in moments of heatedness,

he likes, like he did last night he threw around like your business is failing. And

I don't take that on myself, but it pisses me off it. Yeah,

why?

Because it's not. And I don't want him, his,

his negative view puts me down, you know, and his view of it is so different from

my view of it, that I want to be more partners in life and on the same page.

And he has such a fear of failure for him to throw around the word fail is a big

freaking deal.

So knowing that's coming from him, knowing that he's almost trying to hurt me with

it, you know, Hurts, you know, what yep, you know saying that those says more about

his fear failure than it does yours It does it does why I mean it. I'm not taking

it on as you know, like oh my gosh I'm cowering in your right there like embodying

that that mentality it just I don't know how to approach him about changing that or

like Or or or how I can deal with his mindset issues with my own mindset.

- Okay. - Does that make sense? - This is like something that you can coach on, but

I think - - 100 % yes. - Okay. - Because if it's not a husband, it's a mother, or

it's a friend, or somebody that's just with the negativity about your business,

right? - Right, right. This is why you don't show your price list to people who

don't get it. (laughs) - Yeah, exactly right. - Yeah. - Exactly, So yeah, I can

definitely help you with this. If we just, if we could just change him and fix his

mindset, this would all be cleaned up. Mm hmm.

I mean, that'd be nice. That would be great. That'd be great. I mean, if everybody

would just get it and behave the way we wanted them to behave and they just like

sat down and supported us and told us we were awesome all of the time, then it

would be, I know That's what G .P .T. is for, telling you you're awesome all the

time. Yes. I have one less. What has your experience been just in general with

changing people?

Not great. I mean, it doesn't work. It doesn't work. Yeah, it doesn't. It doesn't

work. It's more about inviting them into your mindset. I think as opposed to trying

to change them. It's opening yourself up to letting them receive you.

Yeah, leading by example. Yeah, that's a good way. Yeah. Right, just showing them

what's possible. So we can't change him and we can't fix his mindset. Right. Just

like anybody else, we can't change anyone else. Yeah. So what can we do?

Remain calm in the situation, I think, which I do, I do, I've gotten really good

at that actually. helpful. Yeah, helpful. What do you when you're able to remain

calm? What do you find yourself thinking or telling yourself?

I feel like one one I'm annoyed that he goes from zero to 60 he like burns hot

and fast over things. I'm the exact opposite like I burn slow and steady and Don't

talk to him for like three days. Yeah

But also just that I'm sad for it like I feel bad for him sad for him that he

has these Negative emotions that he doesn't know how to express in oh because you

you know that there's a way that's that's easier less painful

Obviously, but you know, it's a lot you have some compassion. Yes.

But like, oh, my gosh, he doesn't have to burn so high and so hot. Like, yeah.

Yeah. Okay, that's really beautiful, isn't it? Yes. Yeah. And that helps me deal

with correct, like the bounce back, like not taking on myself, you know, so how

could you lean more into compassion for him? because you're not taking it personally,

you're not believing those words, you're not taking them on, you know it's more

about him, you know what he thinks, his projection. So how could you lean more into

compassion and how would you feel if you did so?

- I think he needs a lot of encouragement and I think I need to,

It's not a bad idea to like I mean his schedule is crazy. So our time together is

limited and like I haven't been able to even Show him what the rescue people gave

me for our dog a Week ago like like brought home,

you know, like there just hasn't been that time carved out. I Feel like I could be

more transparent on a daily basis with what I'm doing and accomplishing.

So he knows, so he has an idea. - Okay, but that's still you trying to change him.

- Okay. - You're trying to get him to see. - That's right, yeah. - Yeah, it's like

when somebody is doing something we don't like, it's like we want them to

understand. If you just like, if you just understood it and if you just saw it my

way and if you X, Y, Z, then you wouldn't behave this way. - That's fair.

- But that's not true. They're gonna behave the way. So - - I mean, it is a little

bit true. A little bit because like last week when I was the first day home with

both dogs by myself and the first day home with them in general, like he had to

work that day. He's like, "Oh, what did you do today?" It's like, "I managed the

dogs." And he's like, "No, no, what else did you do today?" It's like, "I managed

the dogs." Like they were playing before. Yeah. And two seconds later,

they were at each other's throats. Like it's a thing right now. Yeah. So once he

saw that for himself, he was like fine, but But you didn't convince him of that. I

didn't convince him. He had to see it for himself. Correct. Correct. So if you

think in terms of the model, his words, his actions and behaviors are your

circumstance line. Okay. Okay. So, you know, like mom,

friend, husband, whatever says words about business. Yeah. Okay. Then you have a

thought. And that's where you have agency. Okay. The thought,

you know, is like, he doesn't understand me, he doesn't know, I have to explain,

you know, and then that's you trying to change his behavior, which you don't have

control over. True. You only have control over your thought line. If you wanted to

like lean more into compassion, your action line,

compassion, and you said you wanted to encourage him. If you wanted to encourage him

and feel compassion, what would you need to think about his behavior?

- I think it's just, oh, I feel sad for him or I feel-- - What about like,

this is his journey? - Okay, okay, yeah. He's having his own experience as a human.

- Yes. - And yes, I wish that were different, that's fair. He's having his own

experience through his own lens of what he believes to be true about me or my

business. That's his journey. I don't receive that. And I'm sad that he hasn't maybe

done the work I've done to see this differently. Like, oh man, this doesn't have to

be so hard on him, but he's not there yet. Right. And you feel a little more calm

and neutral and you can act from place of compassion and encouragement. Yes, that.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Thank you. that are the thing that's exactly what I was trying

to say and couldn't find the words. - Fine, I've got words, yeah. - You've got

words. - I've got words. Sometimes, sometimes I don't.

- And that's very true 'cause his fear of failure goes back to his childhood and

his parents and-- - His journey. - He doesn't deal with it. He doesn't deal with the

things in his life. And side note, he's been using chat GPT lately as like an

interactive journal and it's so good for him because he just needs to get his

thoughts and feelings out yeah good capacity and it's so good so that's a cool

little way of doing things for anyone who like has this issue too with their people

or themselves you know use it as a as your cheerleader but also just getting your

your thoughts out um but yeah so i do i do feel like that is absolutely his

journey I just don't know how to necessarily encourage him other than what I'm doing

or maybe not the journey, you know Maybe that's not what I need to be doing in

terms of just he needs it He needs his journey and his experience however. He needs

it Yeah And I can understand why you would want to help because you care and again

That's a beautiful thing But how do you know that you solving that problem isn't

hindering his you think you're going to help it. But what if you're wrong? What if

he needs it to happen the way it's happening so that he gets the lessons he needs

to get to the next part of his journey?

Sometimes we need to just like stay out of it to some degree. Yeah, no, that's

that's an interesting thought. My coach, yeah, I can't take credit for this. My

coach helped me with this a few years ago. I have a friend that I swear just

loves to struggle just every every possible area of her life And I was heartbroken

for her and I just wanted to help her. I just wanted to help her I wanted to

support her. I want to teach her all the the mindset tools that we have You know,

let me show her the model, you know, I'm gonna help I'm gonna help solve all these

problems and she said if you solve her problems, she doesn't get the lesson

You are hindering her journey by trying to get her out of struggle. And I was

like, what?

Erica, I'm telling you that changed my life. Yeah, especially changed my relationship

with her because now I can just love her and support her and not try to get her

to see it my way. Right.

So you just let them rail on you then? Like, - What do you do? - No, there's

boundaries, there's boundaries, yeah, yeah. Like no, there's things I'm not going to

accept or tolerate, yeah, of course, you know, but then there could be times like,

hey, if you're gonna raise your voice, I'm going to leave the room, like you can,

right, whatever. And you can try to insult me, but I'm not going to receive it.

- Yeah. - I I know that's, you know, that's hard. That's not easy to do when

somebody you care about is saying, well, your business isn't working or whatever he's

saying, you know, it's like, no, I don't, I don't receive that and I'm sorry you

see it that way.

But that's okay. Right. Yeah. Yeah, you can, Abby says you can nicely tell him your

words have impact and then just let him do his own soul searching. Oh, that's good

too. Yeah. All you can do is support his journey, but in a way that keeps you

within your boundaries. Right. You know, if there's bad behavior on anyone's part,

I don't want to support that behavior. So that's not what I'm suggesting. I'm saying

support the journey without necessarily agreeing to the behavior or the words.

And guess what that is, Erica? Guess what that is work that you do for yourself on

yourself to get to that point and at no and no point of this were we changing him

or fixing his mindset right because we can't because we can't I mean it hasn't

worked for me yet changing people how to think so yeah no definitely no I like

that that that really shifts a lot um good and it's okay to be understood.

He doesn't have to understand you. Right. There's not a lot of people that can

understand your awesomeness. Oh, okay.

Sorry. You kind of expect that from your life partner. Well, you would hope. You

would hope. Well, you don't always get it. Correct. Yeah. And the reason you don't

is because he's a

And so are you so it's and relationships are dynamic and so is business and it's

personal and We're just learning to navigate that and manage our own minds around it

to to bring the best possible experience But we're not trying to avoid any of this

because welcome to life. I hope that this conversation gave you some clarity and

encouragement because you are not alone in this the doubts and the resistance from

others, the moments you question if it's all worth it, it's just all part of the

journey and it's very natural. But so is growth, resilience,

and success. If you're ready to stop spinning your wheels and start building real

momentum, I want to invite you to join us inside of Elevate. It's not just about

growing your business, it's about becoming the kind of person who does not need

permission to succeed. You can learn more at www .flourish .academy /elevate.

That link is always in the show notes or you can send me a message on Instagram

@flourishacademy. I truly believe that you are just one thought away from a

completely different life and business. I hope that you found this useful.

I'll see you in the next episode.