Podcast Ep 377 - The Hidden Belief That Was Holding Me Back (and Might Be Holding You Back Too)

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In this episode of the Flourish Academy Podcast, Heather Lahtinen joins Nicole Begley to share a powerful breakthrough she recently experienced while working with a new business coach. Together, they uncover how hidden limiting beliefs particularly around safety, risk, and self-concept can silently hold us back from reaching our next level of success.

Whether you’re a photographer, entrepreneur, or creative, you’ll walk away with a new perspective on how to challenge your mindset, embrace risk, and step into the identity of the business owner you’re becoming.


Show Notes:

  • Heather’s breakthrough coaching session and how it shifted her business perspective
  • Why your willingness to feel uncomfortable emotions is tied to your success
  • The surprising link between safety, risk, and growth as an entrepreneur
  • How to reframe feelings of incompetence, embarrassment, and failure
  • Practical steps to expand your capacity for risk without losing yourself

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Free 4-Week Challenge for Photographers: https://flourishacademy.mykajabi.com/4-clients-in-4-weeks-challenge

Connect:

Heather Lahtinen: WebsiteFacebookInstagram

Nicole Begley: https://hairofthedogacademy.com/


TRANSCRIPT

You're listening to the Flourish Academy podcast and today I'm sharing a major

breakthrough that I just experienced in my business. My name is Heather Lahtinen and

I'm a photographer, educator and entrepreneur and I founded the Flourish Academy as a

resource for photographers of all levels. We want to help you pursue your passion on

your own terms because we believe there is room for everyone. In this podcast, we

to some creating breakthroughs with your mindset to discover the things that are

really holding you back in business and life. I started working with a new business

coach recently and she helped me uncover a huge limiting belief that I didn't

realize I had and I obviously need to work on. And this was so impactful for me

that I asked my friend Nicole Begley if we could immediately record a podcast on

this situation. I am absolutely certain that many of you will be able to identify

with this challenge. Speaking of challenges, I am currently hosting a challenge on

how to get four clients in four weeks in your photography business and it's not too

late to join. The link is in the show notes and even though we've already started,

you can jump in and catch the replays. Again, that link is in the show notes. I

hope you enjoy my conversation with Nicole. Welcome back to the Freedom Focus

Photography Podcast. I'm your host, Nicole Bagley. And again, once again, our favorite

Heather Lawton is joining us here in our virtual podcast room. Yeah, I'm so happy

to be here. Thank you for having me. Of course. Of course. Oh my gosh.

So many good thing. So today, you just, we just recorded last week's episode.

So sometimes we back to the thing. And you had just gotten off a call with a new

coach that you have that you're like, Nicole, we need to record this podcast,

because everyone needs to know about this. And we started to talk about it. And it

is fascinating. So yeah, give us give us a little details of, of your new coach

experience today. Oh my gosh, it was so amazing. It's like, I, I talked to her and

had this major, major, I mean, for me, very big breakthrough that I did not even

realize was happening in my brain. And you know that I work on this stuff daily.

I'm working, I mean, I'm talking to you. I'm working with coaches and to have this

level of a breakthrough is sometimes a little more challenging in that it doesn't

happen as often because I'm having so many breakthroughs all the time. But a coach

that her and I both studied under had told us once that we simply had an under

-feeling problem. And I found this concept so interesting. She was using it in

reference to weight loss. She said, "You don't have an overeating problem. You have

an under -feeling problem. And when you don't want something, you know, you turn to

cookies or whatever. And I like, I understood that. And then she said, the reason

I'm so successful in my business, she's a multimillion dollar entrepreneur is because

I'm willing to feel anything. Are you willing to feel any negative feeling,

every negative feeling? And she would teach this and most of her entrepreneur courses

and for years, I've been saying, Yes, 100%.

I am so tough. I am willing to feel anything.

Look at me. I'm willing to feel failure or disappointment or anything like that. Or

so I thought.

Because at the same time we were talking about, oh,

you and I talked about self concept last week. And so we talk a lot about self

-concept and identity, which I use those terms interchangeably. And my coach,

okay, I'm actually referencing three coaches in this conversation. So I'm just going

to say my coach, forget about it, it doesn't matter. She had said to me, you need

to work on your self -concept as a million -dollar entrepreneur. And I said, I'm here

for it, let's go. What do we need to do? And she said, well, we need to look at

that identity. Think what would a million dollar version of you be thinking and then

practice thinking those thoughts and I I Understand this concept, right? Okay. I get

it

But like what do you mean? The bull doesn't mean easy I said if I knew what

million dollar Heather was thinking I would be thinking it now or more importantly

What is what am I thinking that she's not thinking? So either, either version of

that, what should I be thinking and what do I need to drop? And you know, I write

down things like, I'm willing to feel disappointment. I'm willing to feel failure.

My million dollar version believes that my marketing is working, that I'm a good

coach, that my clients are getting results that I can manage the money, for example,

at that level, right? All of these things make sense. And I was like, Yeah, I get

it. I don't know. I just wasn't. Do you have going off script here? Do you have a

belief of more a bigger business revenue means you're going to have to bigger a

bigger team? And then you're going to have to manage a bigger team? Like, is there

any piece of that that's slowing it down? For sure.

100 % yes. And so in part of that discussion, it's like you're reading my mind,

which you always do is she said, what about the team? And I said, yes,

that that's going to be like more to manage. And that's going to be difficult. And

I don't want to manage it. And she's like, okay, that's your current version. What

is your future version? Yeah, what that's, that's, here's me,

I'm coaching you now, that is a terrible thought. Yes. What if,

what if your team makes things easier for you? - Which is brilliant.

- Currently right now, we have a team of flipping superstars. I literally told each

and every one of them on our team meeting yesterday that I love them to the moon

and back and I cannot be more excited and happy with all the things that they are

doing because they are rocking it and um yeah it's it it because I had the same

you know when you when you start off in this you're like oh my gosh I'm gonna

have to manage somebody like and then there's the thoughts they're not gonna want to

be managed because I then put myself with my entrepreneur brain into the place of a

employee brain where it's like I mean Heather I had a thing which I told Amy this

the other day, she's like, Nicole, like, we want to help you where it was like, I

used to be like, hesitate, asking my team to do things because I didn't want to

bother them. Like I didn't want to put too much on their plate right now. So like

there's so many things. And I realized we're talking to a lot of solopreneurs right

now, But there's a lot of you guys, once you start to scale your business a little

bit, you're getting more clients, you're getting some more income in, the time

becomes the limiting factor in your life. And even if you don't want to, you know,

earn more and like have a bigger revenue in your business, maybe you want some time

back just to walk your dog or take a hobby or take a vacation, whatever you want

to do. So, So having somebody to come into this to help support you is a bold C.

He'll move and it comes with a lot of head baggage is all I wanted to say. No,

that's absolutely true. And it plays into what we said last week about having the

mindset of an investor and an entrepreneur who can manage a team. So instead of me

thinking it's going to be harder or there's going to be more challenges, it's like,

no, it's going to be easier and I can handle handle it. That's a self concept.

It's going to be easier and I can handle it. So she definitely, just like you did,

helped me uncover that today. It was like, okay, that's one of them. I kind of

knew that one was there, but hadn't fully explored it. So I feel much more aware

at this point of that. But then she said to me, well, what she was doing, and I

think this is what a good coach does, is they ask you questions from different

perspectives, because maybe you ask it one way and it just doesn't land or you

can't, you don't know. And so, and that's my job as well and elevate. It happened

yesterday. I asked someone something, she was hesitating. I asked it a different way

and she was like, oh, okay, yeah, that's the problem. So what my coach said to me

today was what feelings are you unwilling to feel.

What feelings are you feeling that you're not capable to handle? It's like,

let me give you an example. So if you reach out to clients and several clients or

you have many sessions or you attend an event and you don't get anything from that,

like you don't make any money, you don't get any clients, what happens at that

point? How do you feel? Disappointed, frustrated. Right. Yeah. Maybe defeated like

nothing is working, right? Yeah, I might start to question. Am I even cut out for

this? Like I go get a job And then it leads to a whole spiral of negative

thinking but really the bottom line here is Nicole You had a feeling of

disappointment. Yeah, and if that if you're not able to handle it You go you go

down the spiral and you make all of these assumptions and then you're working at

Walmart But if, if the thought is I can handle, I feel disappointed. Yes.

And I can sit with this feeling, of course it's disappointing. I put an effort, it

didn't bear fruit. Okay. I feel disappointed. It's not a problem. And what's next?

And I have the identity of everything's figure outable. So now I have more

information. I can solve it. But if you are afraid at the sub level to feel that

disappointment after putting in all of that effort, you will hesitate and you will

avoid. So what she's asking me is like, there's, there's, there are places where

you're hesitating you're avoiding like building a team because there is something you

are not willing to feel. Do you, do you know what it is? Like could you identify

the feelings that you currently maybe don't like? And it's likely deeper than

disappointment. Like, it's going to be five layers deeper than that.

Like, what would that disappointment mean? I'm getting there. OK, sorry. It is,

because disappointment and failure, those are like the surface level, right? You're

like, OK, I guess I can manage feeling that. But she says, I want you to identify

specifically the feelings you are maybe a little concerned about, and then identify

how you're going to be able to handle them and start walking into the identity of

someone who can handle these feelings. So I said to her, because this is a journey,

Nicole, this here's a process, starts with a disappointment and a failure, but I

said, well, I really don't like to feel stupid or embarrassed or incompetent.

Or as I put in my about incompetence. I put a plural on it. I'm not,

I don't like to feel those things. So I tend to avoid them. But she said, okay,

you're incompetent in something doesn't mean it's a problem. It just means you

haven't learned it yet. It's like you're incompetent in speaking German, but it's

just because you haven't learned German yet. So I avoid incompetence or looking

incompetent because I think I should know it all. I mean, I don't know, like,

what's behind that? It's like, I don't wanna look stupid, I don't wanna feel

embarrassed, so I should know everything. I expect myself, listen to me, everybody

has this. You expect yourself to be knowledgeable about things you have not learned

yet. - Mm -hmm, mm -hmm, mm -hmm. - And if you can recognize that,

you can eliminate a lot of suffering and pain because then you're not beating

yourself up over not knowing it. That's even people that, you know, the first time

you picked up the camera, how many times you're like, my images don't look like

this person that's been shooting for 20 years yet. Well, yeah, you shot two

sessions. Correct to learn. Yeah. So I mean, I would just want you to think about

that. You expect yourself to be knowledgeable about things you haven't learned yet.

But then you can just say, well, I don't know it because I haven't learned it yet.

And that's okay. That's okay. So that's something I'm working on in my identity.

And then we went a layered, so now we're like one or two layers in, you know, and

we keep going deeper. And I was telling her that I really like to run a lean

business with high profit margins, which enter the team dynamic, right? So I avoid

the team growing it. I have a team, but growing it because I'm concerned about

managing it. So okay, I've got to work on that. And then I'm worried about the

expense because I like to run lean. So we dug into that for a few minutes and she

said, okay, what would it look like to be willing to feel more risk?

And my head almost exploded off of my body. And I said,

that's it was like ding, ding, ding, that's it. I love safety.

I want to feel safe. I want to feel in control. And at my current business level,

I do. I feel like, man, I have nailed it. I've got this down. I know how to run

it at this level, no problem. But as I start to like edge my way up, that alarm

bell goes off in my head, you're not safe. This is risky. And then I pull back

and I guess what, when you feel that way, you hesitate. There's hesitation in the

action line. And then you don't get the results you want. This was mind blowing.

That's going to change the energy around every offer around how you're showing up

around all of it. I think I just came up with a little hack to get to The areas

that are probably holding you subconsciously back and that is if you know your

values Yeah, what's the opposite of those there it is Because I'm even thinking for

me two of my top values are freedom and authenticity and connection like two three

of my top and so like Yeah, I get scared to lose my freedom of this.

It's like oh my gosh. What if I had to get the job. What if I had to do this?

What if I had to like, not be in charge of my schedule?

Authenticity, we've had numerous conversations in the past of this belief that in

order to be well, not a belief, it was just an observation for certain accounts

that in order for them to grow on social media, you had to show up was like an

inauthentic, like a character. - Yes. - And we were like, that does not know.

It does not compute. I'm not willing to do that. And it was like this tug and

pull of, you know, if that's what's needed for success, oh, I'm not gonna be

successful because I have to do that because it's a major value conflict. So I know

one of your values is safety. So yeah, risk is the exact opposite of that.

- Nicole, this is my work. This is it. And I feel so good about that,

just knowing that this is the work. And there's probably other things as well. Okay,

this is one, it's never just one thing. This is one component. But I was so

excited to talk to you about this because I'm like, this makes complete sense. Now

I know where to focus some of my efforts. And I mean, I could tell you where it

comes from. I didn't feel safe. We were, okay, we were like middle class, lower

class. It was fine, but there wasn't a lot of money. So I don't feel safe if I'm

worried about money. I'm an engineer. I worked with bridges, zero risk tolerance.

No, no, you can't mess that one up. You can't mess up a bridge or people die. The

bridge collapses, which has happened a few times. So Um, engineer, I'm a mechanical

engineer. There was like, no, it's just, just to clarify, Heather has not designed

any bridges that failed. No. And I actually never like literally designed the bridge.

I, I supported the team. So I didn't do that. I'm just, I love bridges. I'm very,

very familiar with bridges. I, I just, yeah. And you remember that one that

collapsed? Like, I know. Take it. I know. Yeah. And as soon as that happen, guess

what I thought? Some engineers in trouble. Somebody engineered or some maintenance

team. So yeah, yeah, probably more likely. So I, I think to myself,

okay, that makes sense. That's where that comes from is I have like the most risk

aversion of anyone I know, I appreciate safety. And so if something feels even a

little bit safe or risky to me, my brain is like, I'm out.

So what, how do you start to do this? I'm thinking like we needed to go on little

risk adventures, Heather, like some budgie chomping, something crazy like that.

Calm yourself. Okay, let's relax about that. I don't like that. We're going

skydiving. Kidding. Kidding. I'm not ready for that. I don't think I can do that.

I think that's a good question though is like now that you've uncovered something

this major like what's the next step I'm like okay this is my work I need to two

things expand my capacity to feel risk to just feel it because the truth is no

one's gonna die you know with whatever I do so expanding my capacity to feel risk

and reminding my brain often like daily basis. Hey, you're safe.

I'm safe. So there's it's like calming. I'm safe. This is okay. I'm safe to expand

the team. I'm safe to give this person more hours. I'm safe because I could always

change directions and decisions and pivot at any time. So my brain wants to make it

a sealed deal that's like laminated and It's a problem. So I have to run myself.

Everything is fluid and dynamic and everything will, everything will work out and it

will work out. Everything will work out. And I think too, um, that I'm putting on

my coach hat for a minute that when you are thinking about, okay, what are we

going to do here? We're going to do this challenge. We're going to do this or

that, or we're going to run some Facebook ads and you find yourself like That's

good. $10 a day. That's it. Like ask yourself, who's making that decision? Oh,

that decision coming from Miss, uh, don't take too much risk. I have my hand on my

shoulder, guys.

It looks like the little, the little risk averse head on your shoulder. Like, that's

a little much pull back, pull back. Um, so anyway, so I think if you the,

because usually just shining the light on it's like the hardest step. And one of

the most effective that we look at it and we say, that's what this is. And then

you can start to notice like, okay, I'm feeling some resistance here.

Is it this or maybe it's not, maybe it's something else, but at least asking

yourself that question. Oh my gosh. So as you're explaining that, like, you know,

when I'm when I'm like, Oh, lower the Facebook ad spend, is that coming from, you

know, scared Heather? Do you know that as you were explaining that, my watch started

to buzz and it was telling me to calm down because my heart rate went up.

This is for real. It tells me you're in risky area. Like back up.

You're not talking about spending more money on Facebook ads. Oh my gosh. That is

so true. So yeah, the, the acknowledgement and awareness of what's happening and then

asking yourself, here's how you step into the next identity is you ask yourself,

what would million dollar Heather do? Which she spent $10 a day on Facebook ads.

Okay. She wouldn't spend more, obviously, and she would be open to the risk.

She would be more open to the risk. And like, it's okay if it doesn't work out

the way you think, like, nobody's going to the, I have to tell my, This is why I

tell them in elevate all my friends in elevate. You're not going to die You won't

get mulled by a bear because I have to tell myself It's true like I just I just

I also have to stop telling myself that I'm risk averse that I don't like it Yeah,

I have to drop the story drop the narrative and That I mean it sounds pretty

straightforward So I have a lot of compassion for anyone that's going through an

identity shift, like getting to the next level of their self -concept. I am with you

in this. It is, it's, it seems straightforward, but it's really not because risk

honestly scares me. I will, you know, Craig and I, when we were dating and early

married, we would go skiing all over the country. We're at Park City, Utah or

Stovermont, like wherever we could go, we would, we would ski. We had kids and then

it was busy. Then we taught them how to ski. But do you know I haven't skied in,

I don't know, 10 years because I'm like, I'm not going to break a leg. I don't

have time for broken ankle. - Much harder to ski on 50 -year -old legs. - That is

the truth. So not that I want to ski. So it's not like I need to change my

thought for a minute. - True, true. Yeah, you're not, you're not saying something you

want. - Correct. It has to be something you want, like I want to grow a business.

So this is my work is this next level of my self concept. And I'm actually really

excited about it. It's like, what do I need to think or believe to be willing to

take more risk? Well, already have the self concept that I can figure anything out.

So I think I just really this is a matter of like me reminding myself that I'm

safe. I love it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know. Yeah.

I know. And could I stretch? Oh, I did want to say I knew I had something else.

Um, lastly is that one of the things I'm working on for elevate this fall is

called capacity work. And so I had said, I'm increasing my capacity to feel risk

and keep taking action. This is one example of capacity work. It will be in our

live retreat. I'm really excited about it. We're in our four week challenge right

now, you join that, you jump in to elevate and we grow and I got stretched

together. I love it. That's amazing. Yeah. If you guys still want to jump in to

the, um, our free challenge, the four clients and four weeks training challenge

coaching program. I mean, it's all of those things in one. Our first call is last

week, but that replays still up as today at 2 p .m. And then there's still two

more. So there's time, still time to jump in there here at thedogacademy .com for

C4W. It's the numbers for the letter C letter W for C4W. Come join us.

And yeah, and I think it is helpful to ask ourselves like kind of when we find

ourselves holding back like what am I trying to avoid? But truly that is some

really deep hard questions that often help to have somebody else asking you.

So, or you can keep asking yourself, but don't let yourself off the hook, keep

going deeper. It's kind of like that why, like trying to figure out you're like,

why do I do this? I want more money in my business. Well, why? So I can have,

you know, have more excess money at the end of the month after I pay my bills,

why, you know, maybe so you go through a couple of years, then it comes to I feel

secure, so I feel safe, you know, yeah, or that I have options that whatever it

is, like there's, there's going to be a reason that you're like, Oh, that's why,

but it might be five or six layers down. And you really honestly, I just really

don't think you can do that on your own. I suppose some people could, I'm really

good at coaching myself and it took years to get to this point. And now I've just

decided I'm going to like stretch my ability to feel risk. But let me say this,

the true only risk. It's like nobody's going to die, right? Nothing's really going

to happen. So the only true and real risk is how I would feel.

Well, okay, I think I can manage that because I have resources to help me with it

So, okay telling my brain. I'm safe. The only true risk is how I feel Okay,

I can handle feeling incompetent or embarrassed or whatever whatever it is And then

I just think that practicing this for me This identity is going to free up the

space to take more aligned action rather than hesitating.

Let's go. Let's do it. Yeah. All right. This has been awesome. Thank you for

sharing this with us. Everybody hope you guys enjoyed this issue issue episode.

Whatever this is, this is not a magazine. This is a pocket. I hope you enjoyed

this episode. Come join us here at the dog Academy .com for C or W,

like, oh, that's our little special like hand signals. If you guys are watching on

YouTube, you get to see. Otherwise, you just have to imagine me miming like 4C4W

with my hands. Okay, that's all. I'm getting loopy here. We'll see you guys next

week. Bye, everybody.

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