Podcast Ep 361 - The Emergency That Shook My World (and How I Kept My Business From Crashing)
In this powerful episode, Heather Lahtinen shares a deeply personal and emotional experience of her family’s recent health crisis when her husband, Craig, underwent emergency triple bypass surgery. Heather takes us behind the scenes, offering a 30,000-foot view of the situation, discussing how her life protocol rooted in faith and mindset coaching helped her navigate the overwhelming emotions and difficult decisions during the ordeal.
In this episode, Heather also shares how faith, mindset coaching, and a strong personal protocol can offer clarity and resilience even in the most challenging circumstances. Listeners will walk away with practical insights and inspiration to handle their own life crises with faith, strength, and clarity.
Show Notes:
- The details of the health crisis Heather’s family faced and how it impacted their lives.
- The importance of having a life protocol rooted in faith and mindset coaching during challenging times.
- How Heather applied her coaching tools and mindset principles to stay calm, focused, and resilient.
- The role of faith in maintaining perspective and keeping a sense of purpose during the toughest moments.
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Connect:
Heather Lahtinen: Website, Facebook, Instagram
TRANSCRIPT
You're listening to the Flourish Academy podcast and today I'm sharing how our family
dealt with a recent health crisis. My name is Heather Lahtinen and I'm a photographer,
educator and entrepreneur and I founded the Flourish Academy as a resource for
photographers of all levels. We want to help you pursue your passion on your own
terms because we believe there is room for everyone in this podcast. We focus I'm
creating breakthroughs with your mindset to discover the things that are really
holding you back in business and life. Before I get into this, let me just say
that coaching has absolutely saved my sanity and maybe even my life.
I would not have been able to handle this situation that I'm about to share with
you without my coach and the tools that she has provided. Maybe you'll understand
more after you listen, but in the meantime, head over to getcoachedbyheather .com to
sign up for our next free fast track coaching workshop where you can get coached or
at least gain the benefit of watching others get coached. We call that second hand
coaching. Please, I beg of you, do not try to do life or business alone.
What I'm about to share is a special bonus call that I hosted inside of Elevate
recently. I wasn't sure if I wanted to publish it on the podcast, but I've had so
many people asking me what happened and how I dealt with it that I think this
makes sense. To summarize, my husband Craig had emergency,
open heart, triple bypass surgery a few weeks ago to save his life.
He was, in fact, a walking heart attack. And after this training,
I put the transcript into chat GPT and it gave me, and I quote,
"Heather's life protocols, tools for resilience and peace." And that downloadable PDF
is in the show notes on my website at www .flourish .academy.
But I think what I'll do is recap them at the end of this episode as well.
Welcome to this bonus call. I wanted to share with you everything that I have
experienced in the last two weeks because it was crazy and there are so many
lessons. So I am actually Actually, very, this is going to sound crazy,
thankful and grateful that this happened because not only do we get to learn from
it and grow, but then I can share it with my photographer friends and then
hopefully you get some benefits. So obviously this is a personal story and as such,
I will be sharing my faith. I would leave God out of this discussion,
but I just don't know how to do that. So if, if that is not your thing, like I
respect that totally, but my faith is not a part of who I am. It is everything
that I am, and it's very important, especially in something like this. So what I'm
going to do is I'm going to give you the 30 ,000 foot view of how we got to this
point. Then I'm going to share my tools. Essentially, my protocol that is in place
for my life, you know, it's the, it's like your tool belt. It's your, it's your
toolkit and a protocol to me is a thought plan combined with actions.
So okay, I'm going to share high level. I'm going to give you my protocol just in
general for life. You, you honestly might want to take some notes. I would love to
share my protocol with you so that you can maybe use some of it for your life.
And then I'm going to get to the part where I applied the protocol. So it's
applications, it's like three points here. Okay, 30 ,000 foot view really quickly.
Last fall, Craig got really sick multiple times, which is like colds or flu or
whatever. It's important to note that Craig has not been sick or been to a doctor
in approximately 30 years, three decades. The guy just doesn't get sick,
very, very healthy. So when he got sick multiple times in the fall, we were kind
of like, whoa, that's kind of weird, but you know, okay, whatever. But he got so
sick the last time. I want to say this is September, October, that it necessitated
a visit just to urgent care. He's like, I don't know what's going on. I can't get
rid of this. They took his blood pressure and they were like, Hey, your blood
pressure is high. You might want to see your, your PCP. And he's like, don't have
one, haven't been to a doctor in a while. So that sent him to, well, so we got
him a PCP. He couldn't get in until December. And they were like, yes, your blood
pressure is high. I'm going to put you on blood pressure medication and Hey, while
you're here, we should probably just do some blood work, you know, get you your
colonoscopy, like the basic stuff. So the blood work came back high cholesterol on a
statin right away. So Craig does not love all of this, by the way. He hasn't taken
a literal pill in 30 years. So schedules his colonoscopy for February.
He does the prep, he goes in, Ella takes him. The anesthesiologist is examining him
and says, "Nope, we aren't doing this. I don't like your heart rate. I don't like
this blip on the heart rate. You need to go to the emergency room and get an EKG.
What? So Ella takes him to the ER, they do this EKG. At this point, a cardiologist
is involved and they're like, yeah, this is something's up. So we're gonna put a
monitor on you so he gets monitored for three days. Yeah, something's up. You need
to do a CT scan. Do a CT scan. Oh yeah, that shows some blockage. We need to do
a heart cath. So February colonoscopy this goes into March. We're now obviously we're
in the April CT scan shows some blockage. We might need to put some stents in
We're gonna do a heart cath just to see that heart cath was two weeks ago today
two weeks ago I take him in for this heart cath and he comes back and the
cardiologist Very seriously says hey, there's significant blockage.
Craig is, and he's still all wired up, all his vitals plummet,
and the nurse rushes in, the doctor's like, "Are you okay?" And they start working
on him, and I'm like, "What is actually happening?" It turns out he was just like
fainting, but it was like really scary. So the doctor says, "I'm gonna take your
wife out here and explain to her." He actually asked me to sit down, which I was
like, that's not a good sign. He said, he leaned forward like really close to my
face. And he said, I have got to tell you, this is a lot and it is very, very
serious. I am going to refer you to a surgeon. Chances are he will need a
quintuple bypass surgery.
ASAP. I said quintuple. I've never even heard of such a thing. And he said, "He
has another artery. It's a, he said, think of it like a bonus artery.
It's abnormal, but it's a normal variation present in about 30 % of the population.
And even it's clogged. So we need to like look at all of these. Do you want to
do this surgery here? This is our local hospital. Absolutely not. Everybody knows you
go to our local hospital to die. No, that's not happening. And he was like, yeah,
right, let me get you the surgeon in Pittsburgh. So Pittsburgh is known for its
amazing hospitals, which is like so lucky, right? So he says, I'm going to call
them and they'll make an appointment to meet with you. Like the surgeon will call
you the office and make an appointment. And he said, but today I would like to do
all of his pre -op testing. So it's done because they're going to want to do this
pretty quickly. And I was like, okay, Obviously, this is overwhelming, we're on our
way home after the pre -op testing and the surgeon's office calls me and says, she
can see you first thing Friday morning. And this is the top surgeon in Pittsburgh,
I'm told. And I'm thinking, how can you not get an appointment with a PCP for
three months, but you can see the top surgeon like in two days, well, that's
because it was such an emergency. We see her on Friday, she says, we need to do
this Monday or Tuesday and we're like, what is happening? So Craig's like,
I have to get things in order at work. So we opted for Tuesday. She showed us a
model of the heart and she said, here's this artery, there's like three or four,
I don't know, there's arteries, you guys. And these main ones come into the heart
and then there's all these branches, right? The higher up they are clogged, the
worse it is because the branches are not getting any blood." She said, "You see
this one on this side? That's about 90 % blocked. You see this one over here? It's
about maybe 98, 99 % blocked, and this one is completely blocked, and these were all
of his major arteries." And she said, "This one in the middle is called the widow
maker. You may have heard of this. It's the one that if it gets blocked, you fall
over dead, right?" She said, "His widow maker is over 90 % blocked. At which point
I raised my hand. I said, excuse me, ma 'am, excuse me. I don't know if you
noticed, but I'm like young, okay? I'm 50 years old, there's a bunch of old people
in the waiting room, a bunch of old people, but I'm only 50, so not yet ready to
be a widow.
People don't know how to take me, that's okay.
So she starts telling us what she's gonna do. I'm like lost in space. I said,
hey, what is preventing you from taking him back to the OR right now? And she
says, well, I mean, I don't believe you're an imminent danger. I'm like,
imminent danger. You just told me all of his arteries are blocked. And the other
cardiologist had said, yeah, I don't think there's, I mean, he's probably been
walking around this way for at least a year. This doesn't happen overnight. Oh my
gosh. I was like okay so all right this is what we're gonna have to do she's
explaining again how they're going to they they mapped his veins in his legs so
they could harvest veins harvest from his legs to do all of this and obviously I
had never heard of any of this before you know see previous I'm young and okay
this is what we're doing so we spent the weekend just like I know this sounds
morbid but we were like, oh, we need to get those wills notarized. I had just
produced new wills and medical power returning. We need to get all of that done.
And we did. And Monday, he goes into work, files for short -term disability, and
Tuesday, he has surgery. And then here we are, now at home.
So that's the 30 ,000 -foot view. One thing that was surprised everyone, everyone
said, like multiple cardiologists and nurses said, "What brought you in? What were
your symptoms?" And he was like, "Zero. No symptoms." I was like, "How is that
possible?" "I don't know. Just didn't have any symptoms." They could not believe
that, but it's true. So it was just lucky that he got sick in the fall that led
to that series of events, because he was a walking heart attack. And I'm very
obviously very very grateful for that. So That's the 30 ,000 foot view. Okay,
let me go into any questions about that. I mean, I'm gonna, pieces of that I'll
pull out and go a little bit deeper, but I wanna go to my protocol.
Just my, this is my, not just for this, this is just my general life philosophy in
the tools that I know I have. Okay, so I have this list. Number one is I have
the model. So I know how to look at my brain and I have the ability to look at
my thoughts from an outside perspective. For example, I had this thought,
I kept saying, this is just so much. This is so much. I'm so overwhelmed. This is
so much. And then I was like, Heather, no wonder you feel overwhelmed if you keep
saying this is so much. You know, so like, I could catch things like that. Okay,
so the model is just like the top of my protocol list. I also happen to know that
when emotions are high, intelligence is low. I have trained my Recticular Activating
System to look for the good and to be aware of what I'm looking for.
I have trained myself to look for the stories and lessons, which is why I'm able
to sit here and present this to you today so quickly because I do that ahead of
time. So I'm always paying attention to what are the lessons?
What am I learning here? And what stories can I share? I also know that the
moments of deepest pain in my life were the moments I learned the most about
myself. So that's good. I've also learned that the hard things in life always arrive
with lessons. There are reasons to be grateful. I believe that God's plan and will
for me and our lives is greater than my preference. His plan is greater than my
preference. When everything goes well, we don't grow.
But when we're faced with hard times, we are forced to evolve, which builds
confidence and resilience. I also know that everything is temporary. No single feeling
becomes the only feeling. That's a good one, you guys. I wouldn't write that down.
No single feeling becomes the only feeling. I know that peace is available to me
because Paul wrote in the book of Philippians and the peace of God which transcends
all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. So I know
that peace is available to me and that it's a type of peace that cannot be
explained, hence the word transcends, unexplainable. How could you feel peace in this?
Yet I did. And also in John, Jesus says, my peace I leave with you,
I give to you, I do not give as the world gives, do not let your hearts be
troubled and do not be afraid, do not be troubled, do not be troubled. I repeated
that to myself. I also know that we have more inside of us than we realize.
We are capable of more than we think. We always have the possibility to be more,
to be bigger than any current crisis or worry. I ask myself all of the time,
what new things can I learn or discover about myself? Okay, this, you guys, this is
my, this is my philosophy on life. This is my protocol. This is before going into
this. This is how I see things. I know that we always have more of us inside of
us than we realize. More strength, more warmth, more compassion, more resilience, more
love. I know that life can surprise us as it did to us, but we can also surprise
ourselves.
Events will change you and they always, always change you for the better. The bigger
the event, the bigger the better and the more impactful the change.
Every failure or challenge becomes, or every wound becomes wisdom that I collect and
I have forever. So I'm just out here collecting experiences to help myself and to
help others because I can just learn from it. I refuse to suffer without purpose.
I am capable of holding this. I ask myself, how is this valuable for me? And I
refuse to not get value.
Today's pain is producing tomorrow's glory all the time. Paul said and second
Corinthians for this light momentary, momentary affliction is preparing us for an
internal weight of glory beyond all comparison. So it's, it's just momentary. It's
temporary. It's an affliction. I know that to feel hope, you don't need to be in a
great situation. You just need to understand that things will change because
everything is temporary and hope is always available to you, just like pieces. I
believe that mood, how you're feeling follows movement. So I know how to get myself
out of moods by moving my body. I believe that the real masters that practice
gratitude wake up every morning thinking, I'm grateful for all of the wonderful,
beautiful things that will happen today. But I'm also really deeply grateful for the
things that will happen today that I don't like because I know retrospectively that
this will be the source of my growth, like the real growth. I was telling a friend
yesterday, I said, I have the foresight to recognize that the hindsight will give me
clarity. Hindsight is 2020. I know in the future, I will have clarity on this and
I just deeply deeply trust that You cannot stay miserable or stay in self -pity when
you are grateful. You just can't Also in the New Testament Paul Paul was one of my
favorite authors in the New Testament He talks about finding joy in all circumstances
And he's referring to a deep deep spiritual joy that is not dependent on external
situations or comfort or success. It's rooted in faith and trusting God,
no matter how hard life feels. He says, I learned, this is from Philippians,
I have learned, learned, meaning I had to practice. Whatever situation I am to be
content, I know how to be brought low, I know how to abound. In any and every
circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and
need, and I can do all things through him who strengthens me. So you can learn to
be content. It's not automatic, but it comes through hardship and it comes through
practice and it comes from choosing to trust God, no matter what the outcome.
Joy is a, I believe, joy is a choice that you can find, not just when you're
happy, but also like from, from the depths, but it doesn't come from me.
It comes from a piece and a trust that I have that doesn't even make sense. Last
evening, we had some terrible storms past through like tornadoes, like it's a whole
mess here. And I was sitting in my closet against the window and I was watching
the raindrops like come down. And you know how like you'll watch a raindrop and it
will like pick up more rain and it will like get bigger and it will go faster and
it was like that's just like our thoughts because what you dwell on compounds and
expands so if you focus on what's wrong or the fear or the unfairness it will grow
if you focus on what's good and true then joy can grow You can rejoice and feel
good in trials because I had posted this on my Facebook page They helped develop
endurance and endurance leads to strength of character and character builds hope And
I had made a joke I said well I cannot wait to see all of this character that is
getting built within me But I believe that you you can and should give thanks in
all circumstances because it's God's will, not mine. And he doesn't say again to be
thankful when you're happy. And he does not saying like that you say,
oh, thanks for the pain, like appreciate it. That's not it. It's like finding joy
in them and not depending on them, the circumstance to make you one way or the
other, but just like shape your mine towards joy. I really believe that you can
magnify your suffering, multiply it or you can diminish it. Like you have the power
to do that.
My thoughts about business are, this matters, this matters because of how it plays
out. My thoughts about my business are it's stable. There's no such thing as a
photographic emergency. I do not think in terms of being ahead or behind,
like I'm behind is just not a phrase I entertain. So there aren't any problems.
So it was not at all, not for one second, challenging to me to just like take a
couple of days off. I took a solid four days off. My husband had open heart
surgery. I took four days off. I'm not saying that because I'm like, look at me.
scarcity or like, oh my gosh, I have to do this or I should be doing this. There
was just none of that.
Okay. So that, those are my protocols. Like that's my life's philosophy on how to
handle challenges. Any questions on
Stacey says every hard thing will make you better, but I think it's a choice. Yes.
I believe it can make you bitter or better. I know people choose better. Yeah.
Okay. So now we have, you have the whole story and you have my protocol and I
just want to share how I applied it and then I'm happy to take any questions you
have. Nothing's off the table. If you've known me a while, nothing phases me. It
doesn't matter at all. I will say that I didn't realize that any of this was a
big deal until that heart cath in the hospital, like the CT scan and everything
else going on. I was just like, oh, yeah, you know, just like see what's going on.
Then this, sorry, the cardiologist sat me down and told me the seriousness of it.
That was the first point that I was like, oh, oh, this is like way,
way, way more than I thought.
And I had a moment, Well, okay, I definitely started sobbing at that moment.
I had a couple of meltdowns and like gathered myself and went back in the room
with Craig and he did his testing, whatever. And we were there maybe two hours
after that. And I can distinctly remember where I was,
where we were on the road when we were driving home from our local hospital after
that appointment. So again, this was about two hours from like understanding what was
going on. And I wrote this down. This was the literal thought that popped into my
brain. I was like, oh, I guess I need something to shake me up. I guess I need
this. I guess I do. I guess this is like, you know, it's gonna rattle me and this
is exactly what I need. And then my next thought was, this is good.
Good. This is good. Because I'm going to get to practice using my tools. And I'm
going to get to help others. This is good. And in that moment,
I,
it's not that I was happy or excited.
What's a good word? It was like, it was kind of excited. I was kind of like, oh,
this is good. This is good. I'm gonna get to practice these tools. Intrigued. That's
a good word. It was definitely, I definitely had got to acceptance.
Curious, maybe? I don't know. It was borderline excitement. I was like, oh, this is
gonna be good, because I'm gonna get to practice all of these tools. I also had
the thought about the foresight and hindsight that I'm going to figure out in the
future why this was so good. (laughs) Susie, I should use my emotions chart.
That is so funny. I always have it here because it was,
it's in the, here's the emotions chart. You guys have access to this somewhere. It
was definitely in the surprise category.
Eager? Enthusiastic? That sounds so weird to say that. Eager. Yeah,
oh my gosh, I see that. Yeah, I just,
if you're familiar with the Bible in the Old Testament, Queen Esther, there's this
quote. I I believe Mordecai said, "Listen, I'm not a theologian.
Okay, I'm just saying what I remember." But it was, he said to her, "You were
built for such as time as this. Like I was made for this. I can do this and I'm
like, it's good." In that moment, yes, that's it, Ruthie.
Enjoy that surpasses all understanding. It transcends, it doesn't make sense. So in
that moment, we just pulled out of the hospital, two hours in, I was like, let's
go. Okay, I can do this. And I also felt tremendous peace.
Now, over the course of the next week, that would be tested and I would certainly
waiver terror to peace, you know, it's very extreme. I was like,
he's to die after playing his funeral to everything's going to be fine and it's all
good. Okay, so
then when we met with the surgeon, Dr. Candice Lee, who I love, actually,
oh my gosh, I just loved her from the minute I met her. She was just so good at
explaining everything to us. But then I looked at her hands Because I wanted to
understand how adept she was and she kind of had like some manhands like she had
bigger Hands than made sense for her body. I was like, I don't know how we did
that's for you Susie It was like what's going on there.
She started to explain to us How oh first of all Craig says He says on the way
in yeah, I'm wondering if we can just like, you know talk to her and get some
options. I was like, bro, you've got no options here. Well, death,
I guess, you could die where you could get this done. And then he says something
like that to her. He's like, isn't there a better way? That's what he said. I was
like, I don't think there's a better way. And then she explained how she would be
manipulating his heart, like sort of like pulling it up and turning it over to work
on the back of it. I looked at him and I thought he's going to go white and go
down, but he did not. At the same time, we got the estimate for the surgeries,
$316 ,000. We have pretty good health insurance, but certainly we're going to have
some responsibility there. I don't know. I don't know what that's like. But number
one, thank goodness for insurance. And number two, saved in a decent emergency fund.
It's $50 ,000 in an account that like just for stuff like this. So thank goodness
past Heather hooked me up.
So I'm not terribly worried about the bills or the money. I mean, what are you
going to do? I mean, what are you going to do? Like say, no, don't do that x
-ray. Now, how about we're going to skip on the anesthesia because it's like really
expensive? No, of course not, so hopefully that's a non -issue,
but okay, so as we're preparing for the surgery, you know, I have one child who is
very overreactive, and I have one child that is underreactive. I'll let you guess
who is who, but it's my daughter, overreactive, and Evan is like,
"Oh, yeah, they do this all the time. I understand that, but it's just not the
same when it's your person. But we were laying in bed, Evan and Craig and I just
like hanging out a couple days before. And I said to Craig, I said, do you
remember our wedding in our honeymoon? And he's like, yeah, of course, I said, that
was just an absolute fairy tale to me. It was a fairy tale. And in building our
homes and our kids, it's just been like a complete Dream life. We've had to get
like it is just so amazing. I'm so grateful every minute of our time together has
just been a gift It's just a blessing Evan says mom you act like he is dying like
you're and I said no I just I just want him to know and I want you to know I
said this to Evan. I want you I want you to know my heart I want you to know
how I But I'm not, I'm not going to be afraid. One of the things I like to say,
it's from one of my worship songs I like to listen to is I'm not going to be
afraid because these waves are only waves and they're just waves,
storms are always temporary. So I know that and I just want you to know how I
feel about it. So we had, as a family, a lot of really beautiful moments in like
scary and sad, but just fortifying. It felt, it felt very good and peaceful and,
and people in our church just wrapped their arms around us and prayed for us. And
by the way, if you're, if you're not Christian or you're not familiar, you're like,
yes, we pray for our desired outcome right for success and surgery that he would
live like that's what we pray for but we also pray for like acceptance of God's
will for us no matter what so like you might pray that someone won't die and that
person might still die but it's not because God didn't hear your prayer it's just
because his will for you was different. And God's will is greater than my
preference.
Like wow. That's as hard to say, but it's true. So okay,
we're going into surgery day and everyone had told us, like just like friends and
people from church had told Ella and I, they're like, oh man, surgery day is going
It's gonna be brutal, it's gonna be torture. It's gonna be the longest day of your
life. It's gonna be awful. And I was like, that doesn't sound fun to me. So I am
not gonna believe that. I'm just not gonna choose to accept that. And Ella and I
had been telling everyone, oh no, she said, I heard her say, mom and I have so
much fun. We like to have fun. So, and we're just really funny people. Like we're
very inappropriate at times. People don't know what to make of us together. I always
says it's like a comedy show because it's just so funny. And we're like, no, that's
not how surgery day is going to go for us. Like we're going to have so much fun
and just like break it up. And so they sent us the surgical recovery heart,
whatever, blah, blah, blah is on the 12th floor. So we went up to the 12th floor,
we surveyed it. And I was like, oh my gosh, look at that. They have high top
tables, they have a couch, they have really comfortable chairs and a very nice
bathroom and a refill station for your water bottle right here. It was like, how
lucky are we? This is so nice. Like I'm just looking for good. We were in there
for just a couple of minutes. There was another family, our surgeon was doing this
guy, heart valve replacement, and then Craig.
And they were in there and you know, just like hello or whatever. And Ella and I
left and I'll get back to what we did, but when we came back like, I don't know.
Eight or nine hours later, that family had never moved. They sat in that waiting
room and I was like, you guys, I was like, what are you doing, man?
So Ella and I broke up our day, we had lunch outside and then we walked around
the park. We made friends with a homeless gentleman. Ella did not love the
situation. This homeless guy approached us and I wanted to teach her this like line
of this fine line, being safe, but also treating people with dignity and respect.
Like how often does this I get to have a conversation with people that are not
homeless that actually show him dignity, you know, like be safe, but how can we
treat people like they're actual humans? And she didn't love that situation.
He started talking to us and then he just kept stepping closer and closer and
closer. It did get a little uncomfortable, but, and then we, okay. And then she's
like, mom, we should walk to the aviary. I've been wanting to go to the aviary.
It's like 0 .3 miles from the hospital. It was a beautiful, beautiful day. We spent
it outside. We prayed for him. We prayed for ourselves. We talked with friends.
We had some friends that visited. And one thing I learned from all of this that's
so, so heartwarming is that my daughter really, really stepped up to the plate.
She can navigate the city like no one else. She's so capable. She knows,
because she's heard it from me, that when emotions are high, intelligence is low. So
she's like, mom, your IQ is in the toilet. So just let me make the decisions and
let me handle what we're gonna do next because I know you can't think right now,
which is a big thing because she doesn't like to make decisions but I mean just
about like what entrance we're gonna walk into the aviary what we're going to eat
next and like what our next move is she's just like mom come along it was really
moving to me I mean truly so so and I said to her multiple times there's no one
else I would want to do this with and by the way side note I was planning to go
to the hospital alone on surgery day. I didn't, I didn't know or think that I
should have someone with me. Like just didn't occur to me. It was like, yeah, I'm
just going to go and do my thing. And I had friends say to me, who, who's going
with you to sit with you? And I was like, what are you talking about? I was just
going to like take a book, walk around. And they were like, no, no, no, no, you
can't go alone. So Ella came with me. She offered, she missed school. You guys, she
never missed school. She hates to miss school. And she just took care of everything,
and I was just so proud of her. So everything went much longer than expected.
We had arrived at 6 .30 or 7 in the morning, and by about 7 .30 at night,
I was definitely starting to get tired, but I was getting these text messages from
their automated system that kept saying the patient is doing well, which I thought
was really nice, it was so nice. They were sending them every hour. And then the
last one I got was 5 p .m. And it was now 7 p .m. It was so it was two hours
since I got a message. And I said to Ella, I was like, um, either he's dead or
they're wrapping up. So I'm because they were like so consistent. I got a call from
the nurse, they're wrapping up, the surgeon will be out to see you soon. So she
comes about 8 p .m. Dr. Candice Lee, who I love, the manhands and all. And she
says, "Everything went as expected." She has a very flat affect.
She's a surgeon, right? And I'm like, you know how you want to hear, like,
"Everything went better than expected." She's like, "Everything went as expected." And
I'm like, "Could you expand on that a little bit?" And she's like, "Well, I only
needed to do a triple." So we went into this thinking it was quadruple. Sorry,
Quinn Topple. When we met her, she said quadruple. And then when she got in there,
she said three, triple. And I said, okay, are you happy? And she said,
I am happy with his heart function. I said, okay, Candice, all right, that's all
I'm getting from you. Okay, great. She said they're bringing him up. He's intubated.
They're going to wake him up. You can probably see him in a few is 8 p .m. I'm
starting to melt down a little bit. One of my protocols is that when I know my
emotions are high and I'm tired, I am not going to trust my brain to make
decisions for me. I'm going to trust the people around me and not question it. I
had two friends say to me, "You don't want to see him that way and he won't
remember that you're there, so your best bet is to go home and sleep. And I said,
Roger that, I didn't even question that. I didn't want that image seared into my
brain of him in that, in that way. So we left. And then the next day I went
back, a friend drove me because I was really not in the right space to drive.
I just couldn't wasn't thinking clearly. But one of my is you know how I'm always
talking about future Heather and like past Heather and like hooking myself up? One
of the things I thought about was like, how can I take care of my future self? So
like packing good food instead of going to the cafeteria, making sure I'm hydrated,
getting plenty of sleep, keeping everything in my life in order. This is a protocol.
So like getting up in the morning, it wasn't like, should I make my bed? I just
made my bed. It wasn't like should I keep my space clean and clear? I just do
that, I just keep it that way because that physical cleanness and orderliness helps
my brain, but I know that. I didn't know it in the minute, I just was executing
based on my protocol, like without thinking. So, okay, then that day was great,
he looked great. The next day he goes into AFib all day, I think he's dying And
that's when my brain just went off the rails. And it was, I mean,
I would close my eyes, I would meditate. And do you ever hear these people are
like, these people, I don't even know who that is. They say, when you're having a
situation like that, you could start to scan your body and ask yourself where you
feel it in your body. You know, it's like tightness, is it headache, tension,
whatever. I was taking deep breaths and I had noticed that throughout this whole
scenario, everything I felt was my heart and I had never felt that before. My heart
hurt like tight, heavy, heavy,
like it was like his heart's being operated, but it's like my heart, I've never had
that before and I was like, "Oh, I feel it in my heart." He was like empathy,
connection, connection. I was just like, breathe, and I was okay. And this is what
I said to myself. And I was getting into this overwhelm. It's a lot. It's so much.
And I was like, Heather, okay, if you tell yourself that, of course, you're going
to feel overwhelmed. But what is true right now? Is there a decision that needs to
be made right now? And I was like, no, there's no decision that means needs to be
made. Are you okay right now? Is he okay right now in this moment? Yes. Okay, no
decisions and everybody's okay, then let's just be present in this moment. I mean,
the next decision I needed to make was like, should I go to the bathroom? Should I
refill my water bottle? Like there was, there were no decisions that needed to be
made. I also didn't make my breakdowns a problem.
I didn't judge myself for it. Like, of course I'm scared. I went out into the
waiting room that day. I was, that was the first and only day I went there alone,
happened to be alone. And I just sobbed. I mean, the kind where you're like,
you know, you're like shaking and just sobbed. And I just allowed it.
It was like, I'm not gonna try to stop this. I just processed it through. Certainly
the people around me understand, right? We're all in the cardiac intensive care unit.
So I just allowed it. It didn't make it wrong, bad. I didn't love what it did to
my makeup, to be honest, but yeah, what are you going to do? So anytime I felt
that extreme emotion, I didn't use the model or anything to try to get myself out
of it, which is like, oh, I'm going to allow this to process.
And then what? Is there a decision I need to make? No. Okay.
Everybody's fine. So then, oh my gosh, there was like a code something in that
unit. And they kicked us all out really quickly. Somebody was in need of some
serious help. And I was like, it's not my husband, is it? And she's she's like,
no, your husband is stable. So I had to sit outside. Yeah, the crime was definitely
cathartic. And I allowed myself to feel my feelings. Yes, thank you. That's And I
knew that so I just allowed it because you know you feel it in your throat and
you like you're trying to hold it in And it's like the worst thing so I just let
it out. So I couldn't be with him And that's when he was an AFib like his heart
rate was 154. It should be like 80 and
He texted me and he said my heart rate just dropped to 76. I was like, oh, thank
you Jesus. So then he was he did not look good. I knew the minute I saw him, he
did not look well. And I lost it for sure. Oh, it was so challenging.
And he had said to me before the surgery, we were going to bed one night and he
said, I just hate making everybody sad. And I said, well, what's the appropriate
reaction here? You think we should be happy? If you want us to just be all happy,
like of course we're gonna be sad because we love you care, we care about you.
It's not, it would not be appropriate to be anything else, except what we're
feeling. So that was helpful. Okay.
Looking at my notes,
the AFib decisions. Oh, I didn't put any pressure on myself to show up a certain
way for him or for me or for anyone. I was just like, I'm going to roll with us
how it goes. And when I got back into his room, all right, when I saw the scar,
look up, look up a open heart surgery scar, just look it up. It's like, massive.
And he's hooked up to all of these machines. He's got three drains on him.
And everything's just like a mess, you know, just a mess. So,
I very gingerly, very carefully climbed into bed with him and just like got up
against him.
It was really beautiful.
You guys stop it. It's fine. It was really nice and I decided,
I mean, I had tried to make this decision previously, but it was just a very
powerful moment where I decided not to be scared anymore.
It looks like I'm scared. I wasn't. I was okay.
I was like, you don't have to be scared anymore. But it wasn't because, like, he's
going to get better or not get better. It wasn't based on the circumstance it was
I just decided I'm not going to be scared anymore and I remember thinking oh this
is good in terms of the model you know how we're always saying like the
circumstances don't make us feel a certain way it's our thoughts right it's the
circumstances are never the problem it's the story I remember thinking when we
arrived if we just get him out of surgery If we just get him out of surgery, get
him, you know, all buttoned up and into recovery, I will feel so much better. I
will feel so much better. And when Candace came in and told us he was out of
surgery, you'll never believe this, but I did not feel better
because I had the same thoughts. I thought the certain, I actually laughed at
myself. I was like, Heather, That's hilarious. You thought the circumstance was going
to change your feelings and it didn't. I thought when she comes into this room and
tells us that like how it went, I will feel so relieved. And I didn't because I
had the same thoughts. And then, because my brain's a jerk, I was like,
oh, well, when he's like up and moving around, I'll feel so relieved.
I'll let you guess I did not So it's like what I got into bed with him in that
moment. I was like, I just have to decide
Not to be scared but to think whatever I need to think in order to feel that
relief Like it's gonna be okay one way or the other like we're going to figure
this out It's going to be okay and that relief washed over me and I felt the
peace that I don't think comes from me and it was okay. In the whole time
we had fun and we laughed and we cried and I would park in this garage.
I commuted to Pittsburgh every day which I do not listen. This is not for me. I
do not love it and I would park in this garage and they had the it was like
colored all of the all of the levels so like red two I often parked on red two
or yellow three one day I was on orange six and I would sing about it I'd be
like I'm on orange six and I get to run down the stairs and I always took the
stairs never the elevator because it's just like good exercise you know I'm like
we're all like heart healthy up in here now so it's like up and down the stairs
and having so much fun, fun. And then when we went to pick them up,
I got the wheelchair. I got one of the modern ones. And I was like bumping it
into everything because I don't know what we're doing. That was telling people we
don't know what we're doing. And I'm like, I'm here for a pickup. That's all I
care about. Like I got somebody to pick up. And we went and got them and brought
them home. And this is what I've learned. It is a roller coaster, it is still a
roller coaster. And I'm going to feel really high highs, like,
it's gonna be great. He's great. And then something's gonna happen. And I'm like,
his IV site looks infected to me. It's all red and swollen. And I'm like, well,
they're blood poisoning, blood poisoning, he's gonna be dead from blood poisoning. You
know, that's how the brain goes. Oh, my gosh. Okay, the last thing I want to
share. And then if you if you have any questions, was right before all of this
happened, I had reached out to a local person for voice lessons.
I want to get voice lessons to just use my voice better, like speaking and
teaching. And I reached out to her and we had gone back and forth in email.
And in her last email, she was like, how about this time this day, you know,
whatever. And I haven't gotten back to her yet. So it's been two weeks since since
that. Do you know when that happens to you guys? Do you know what you said to me?
You know, do you know what you tell me? Somebody doesn't get back to you right
away or within two weeks. Do you know what every single, okay, do you know what
most of you say? Oh, this person ghosted me. It's because of the pricing. Okay.
How do you know that person's husband isn't getting open heart surgery? Like you
think that somebody not getting back to you mean something and it could absolutely
mean nothing. And along with that, if you're driving on the road and you're behind
someone who's taking their turns really slowly, how do you know they don't have
their husband in the car after open hurt surgery? Like, you know, a couple days
prior. So like, relax. So I'm going to get back to her today and explain hey my
husband had surgery i'd love to continue this conversation but um when she told me
the pricing i got this feeling she was very hesitant i think she doesn't believe in
her pricing do you remember the unintentional sales pitch where whatever you're
thinking about your pricing you're not saying it but it's coming out and how you
present everything i heard it. She was like, she's like,
it's $30 for 30 minutes. And if you want to do an hour, it's $60.
It's like so cheap. But I got the feeling that she's like,
whoa, that's so expensive. When it's when it's really not. Also,
speaking of the unintentional sales pitch, Craig had a variety of nurses that were
all just so kind and so nice, but listen, nice is not always What's up?
He had this one nurse who I could listen Some of you aren't gonna like this,
but I'm telling you it just comes out and how you how you do anything is how you
do everything And you can just sense it. She doesn't want to be there She is
either new or slightly incompetent. And that's not a judgment, okay?
She's just, I don't know, I don't know. But it just oozed out of her. She happened
to be the nurse that was on duty when he went into AFib all day. And I was
asking her questions about it. She was not communicating in a way that I could
receive in that moment. Part of that could be But I my cousin is a cardiac ICU
nurse and I was texting her and she helped me and showed so much compassion where
this nurse did not and There are all these clues like for example There's a
whiteboard in the room where they write their name The doctor's name any dietary
restrictions what the goals are the date Like the date and the day of the week all
this stuff on this big whiteboard on her shift It was all messy. It wasn't, it was
the wrong date. She didn't have like, that's just one example. Like it just,
you can tell. Then this next nurse comes on shift. She cleans the whole whiteboard.
It's like super neat. She walks in with complete confidence. You could tell she was
competent. It was a completely different experience with this one than it was with
this one. And it has to be how they're thinking about themselves or their job or
whatever it's like this one just did not care about her job and this one it was
her mission to serve and you could sense it and I thought oh my gosh this is so
interesting this is just like the unintentional sales pitch I would have loved to
like talk to them more about it but that would have maybe been inappropriate I went
and you know what are you gonna say why do you not like your job why are you not
explaining explaining to me what's going on with my husband. He looked like hell and
she was just like, "Oh, we're just, you know, we've tried this drug and,
you know, a couple hours ago. It should work, but it didn't. Then we tried it
again and it still didn't work." So, and I'm like, "What was it? What are you
talking about? His heart rate is 154. Like, do something. Do something." Okay.
I think that's everything I wanted to share.
Yes, it was scary. But
I also, through these ups and downs,
have never felt more alive.
You do not want a life that's like this you think you do 72 degrees let's just
keep it steady comfort clients money all of it it's not it you have to experience
this and i go back to that moment in the car when i first realized the seriousness
and i thought to myself i must have needed this i also am not putting any pressure
on myself to get back into my work a certain way oh by the way this ties in with
the um what do what do i call it the
One of you last week that like that helps me to feel normal and I love serving
you gets my mind off of myself. So it's so much better for me. But in terms of
like getting back into my marketing and my work work. No, I haven't really done
that yet. Things are still kind of fluid and dynamic here with Craig, you know,
like he's napping right now, but
I have to get all his pills ready, which he hates and just have to take care of
some things I'm not usually taken care of. He's on short -term disability for
probably eight weeks. He can't drive for six. He's very mad about that.
We're adapting our meal plans to be heart healthy for all of our sakes, you know,
but especially his. And we had last night, it was last night,
our first full sit -down family dinner back to normal Where all of us were there we
eat dinners of family every night at 6 p .m. And when he wasn't here and then I
wasn't here, you know, it was just didn't feel good It didn't feel normal last
night was our first night and it was Amazing and beautiful and how in the world
could you appreciate the Sun without the rain?
It's certainly given me a new better deeper perspective That everything we do like
with our businesses it's just like fun it's like man this is so fun but we're all
alive so it's okay like what's the problem sun is really beautiful after the rain
sue it really is and i just grabbed his face and i said i love you so so much i
just love you so so much our marriage is a dream. And if you don't mind,
I'd like to continue it. (laughing) I don't want it to end if that's okay with
you.
Oh my gosh. Any thoughts or questions? I was talking to one of you yesterday with
Sherry. I was talking to Sherry yesterday, and she said, "I I thought this was such
a good question. I'm paraphrasing. She was like, were you able to just drop into
that immediately, like all of the knowing, or did it take you time? Like, how did
you do that? And I said, it took me a minute. I'm a human. It took me a minute.
But I knew, I just, I knew I'd figured it out. I was like, okay.
I mean, I'm texting my best friend, Amy, when the cardiologist is telling me, I'm
like, I'm shaking, I'm freaking out. She's like, do you want me to come there? And
I'm like, I don't know what to do. I don't even know which way is up, you know?
And then I like breathe and I'm like,
I am not gonna believe my brain when it tells me I can't handle this. Like stop
acting like you can't do this.
You can absolutely do it. What a gift.
And furthermore, it gives me so much more compassion for my friends,
for you, when you're struggling.
Like you just don't know what somebody's going through or how serious it feels if
you're not getting clients. You know, I was just like such compassion for that. And,
and we're going to figure it out. It's, it's softened a few of my edges, which
needed to happen. Because here you go. And remember that getting on a roller coaster
that is life or anything, it's like, doesn't have to be scary. It can be,
you can be nervous, and it can be exciting. Remember, nervous plus excitement equals
exhilaration, which is a roller coaster up and down, but you,
you'll, you'll do it. You'll do it. I had a couple of days where my body started
to break down like physically, just from tension, you know, like up, my neck started
to hurt, back started to hurt. And I knew it was just tension. So it was like,
drink more water, stretch, make sure you're getting adequate sleep. I am very,
very into self -care. One morning I had to take mom for her hair cut, so I
couldn't go to the hospital right away. So I took that time to give myself a
pedicure, and so I have very pretty pink toenails right now.
It was all good. You know, oh man, Susie, I hear that. She says, "I don't know
how you slept through that time," because yes, Normally I am not a good sleeper
when I'm worried. The first night we got home, two things, it was sheer exhaustion.
And I also took four melatonin. I did some research on melatonin to make sure that
was safe, but I slept decently, decently well that night.
And I am prepared with mantras in my brain for when it starts going to
planning the music at his funeral or the funeral dinner, I would repeat things like
Jesus and love and peace and healing and strength. I would just like good words,
you know, just repeat them. I have slept surprisingly well this past week,
sometimes without Melatonin and sometimes without, but I just know how important it
is for my body and I can't take care of him if I'm not super solid.
So I was very aware of water, electrolytes, food. There was one day,
my daughter is so smart and so gifted. She knew I was like close to breaking down
and she's like, we're gonna get you some carbs and some sugar. So she got me a
piece of the most delicious pizza from this hole in the wall The hospitals in the
hood. It's like hey, it's fine. It's what's beautiful. It's there She got me a
pizza and a cream soda and so I love cream soda But I will never drink it because
it has 85 ,000 grams of sugar and it's like poison, but I love it So she and I
ate that pizza and drank that sugar water It was like exactly what I needed.
So I didn't beat myself up over it. And I didn't think to myself, oh, because I'm
eating like crap right now, that means I'm gonna do it forever. That's another key
that you have to remember is like whatever you're feeling now, whatever you're doing,
it's not forever. It's very, very temporary. And I might not have been able to
exercise the way I normally do, but that's just temporary. I wear my watch and I
get in my steps. We walked around the city. I made sure I took the stairs. I told
you that. I've been making Craig walk, you know, the last couple of days in the
property. Thank you, Jesus, for this property. This, these woods that we can walk
in. The chickens are out and about. The ducks are out. Our tadpoles just hatched.
There are 10 million tadpoles. They are the cutest little things. And yesterday, I
even saw Tanya, Tonya the turkey she came to visit and I just thought that was the
nicest thing
Sometimes you need the ice. That's it Sometimes you need the ice cream. Sometimes
you need the pizza, you know, I know I've talked about tadpoles before because I
talk about it in terms of conversion rates There will be 500 million eggs Those 500
million eggs will turn into about 500 10000 tadpoles and that will end up in five
frogs and That converter rate is not good. But that's just the way nature has made
it, you know Like the ducks eat frog eggs raccoons eat frog eggs and tadpoles There
was a heron in our pond this morning for sure eating those tadpoles. Don't tell my
mom She will get very upset chase off the heron, you know, it's just like Life and
it's so beautiful.
My heart is happy and at peace.
My husband is home. My husband is alive.
Side note. He got a message Monday. One of his co -workers from Geneva,
61, his wife saw him collapse in the backyard and he died and they think it was a
heart attack. I do not know why, through the grace of God and His will.
This is His plan for us and for that thing. I don't know. It's such a mystery. I
don't know. I'm so sad for them. I'm grateful for us. Also, Craig was promoted two
weeks ago, three weeks ago. Craig got a promotion to Associate Vice President of
Projects at Geneva College.
And he almost took a job with another company in that same timeframe. He was
offered a job somewhere else. Geneva countered. He took that job by the grace of
God 'cause he would not have short -term disability. He might not have insurance and
he would have been on a 90 -day probation and they would have been legally allowed
to let him go because of this. I hope that you were able to find something
valuable in that coaching call. And as I mentioned in the beginning, I'd like to
share with you Heather's life protocols, tools for resilience and peace provided by
chat GPT, again, I input the transcript and this is what it gave me and it is
really very, it's almost scary how accurate it is. And remember, Protocols are just
thought plans. How am I going to think and act in life in certain situations?
So these are the things that have in place in my brain all of the time, no matter
what. And then whatever happens, I just apply them. The first category is mindset
tools and beliefs. So we have the model, use it to manage our thoughts and emotions
intentionally. We remember that emotions are temporary. No single feeling lasts
forever. Peace is available. This is rooted in scripture. Peace can transcend
circumstances. Trust in a bigger plan. God's plan is greater than my personal
preferences. Enjoy is a choice. It's not based on how life feels,
but on where you place your trust. Next, we have perspective shifts.
Challenges contain lessons, so it's important to look for meaning and growth.
Don't suffer without purpose. Let your pain produce growth and find gratitude in all
things. Thankful even for what you did not want because of what it builds.
Next, we have personal practices, train your brain for good, look for blessings,
not burdens. Move your body to shift your mood, movement helps change mindset.
Speak life, use mantras, scripture, and positive words intentionally.
Next, we have emotional regulation, feel without judgment, allow emotions to move
through you. Remember that when emotions are high, intelligence is low so you just
need to pause before acting or deciding. And trust people when you're foggy.
Let friends or family guide you when your brain is overwhelmed.
Next, we have crisis management strategies, prepare in peace,
create supportive routines ahead of time, use the "right now" filter,
ask "is there a decision to make right now? Is everyone okay right now in this
moment?" Consider yourself in faith and ritual, lean into music,
scripture, and supportive words.
Next, we have faith -fueled foundations, pray for outcome and acceptance,
because both are valid, trust in God's goodness, even when outcomes are uncertain.
Next, we have business -related mindset. Business is not an emergency. Take time off
guilt -free. Thinking that you are behind is a lie and that mindset just doesn't
serve you. Systems create sanity. For instance, clean space equals clear mind.
And then finally, we have family and connection. Express love now.
Don't wait to tell someone how much they matter and find joy amid chaos because
humor heals. I hope that you found this useful. I'll see you in the next episode.
Hey!
