Podcast Ep 358 - Making Peace With the Undone: A Conversation with Michelle Crandall

In this episode of the Flourish Academy Podcast, Heather Lahtinen is joined by Michelle Crandall for an honest and insightful conversation about the mindset traps entrepreneurs face around productivity, rest, and redefining what it means to be “done.”

If you’ve ever felt like you should be doing more, this episode is for you. Together, they unpack the invisible pressure we place on ourselves to always be working and offer a powerful reframe to help you feel more in control, focused, and at peace with your business.

 Show Notes:

• The real challenge behind “not being able to shut off”
• What “done” really means in entrepreneurship
• Why productivity guilt is hurting your success
• How to stop letting unfinished tasks define your worth
• How to create flexible structure in your day
• The truth about working on weekends: Choice vs. obligation
• Letting go of the “course guilt” and owning your season
• Why your business is flourishing—whether you see it or not

How to Support the Podcast:

• Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or wherever you listen to podcasts. Please like, share, and leave a review.
• If you like the content, please share with your friends by posting on social media so that we can reach and impact more people.

Connect:

Heather Lahtinen: Website, Facebook, Instagram

Michelle Crandall: https://www.petsinfocusphoto.com/

---

TRANSCRIPT

You're listening to the Flourish Academy podcast and you'll want to listen in if

you've ever felt like you should be doing more. My name is Heather Lahtinen and I'm

a photographer, educator and entrepreneur and I founded the Flourish Academy as a

resource for photographers of all levels. We want to help you pursue your passion on

your own terms because we believe there is room for everyone. In this podcast, We

focus on creating breakthroughs with your mindset to discover the things that are

really holding you back in business and life. Today, I am once again joined by one

of my favorite guests. Her name is Michelle Crandall, and she is the People's Coach

inside of our Elevate Program, which you should definitely check out. Of course, that

link is always in the show notes. But Last week she approached me with a challenge

and I asked her if she would be willing to discuss this obstacle with me on the

podcast because I've had a lot of people present me with the same thoughts and I

knew it would be helpful for everyone. She graciously agreed, which listen,

that is not a small feat because it takes a real willingness to be vulnerable and

put yourself aside in order to help others. Michelle, welcome back to the podcast.

Thank you for being here. - Happy to be here. Thanks for having me, Heather. - Well,

I wish you would have just answered my question. - I can't. - Oh my God. - Go

through this for the benefit of everyone. - Yeah, you presented me with a challenge

and I was like, I was so tempted to answer, but I was like, no, this will be a

really good conversation. So tee us up. What's going on? Yeah, thanks for giving me

the opportunity to help others through this really. So this is what I approached

Heather with the other day. I said, it's an excellent problem to have.

I'm doing a project that's bringing in a ton of clients. So now I have a ton of

work, which is great, right? That's what I wanted. And now I can't shut my brain

off. I can't shut the work space off. You know, my computer is in, I work from

home. My computer is in my den. So I can see my computer always, wherever I'm at

in the house, I can see it. And it's almost like it's calling to me. Like, oh,

Michelle, you should have done this or you have one more email to send. So those

of you that have been following through Elevate for a while know that I used to be

a nurse for 17 years. And one of the reasons that I was so excited to become an

entrepreneur was to set my own hours because for 17 years I fought for every

weekend and every holiday. Now I don't have to work the weekends or the holidays

and I can make it work whatever needs to happen. I can usually make it work. But

now there's so much work that I have to do. Again, this is a good problem to

have. I find myself never, never finding a place where I can just be done at like

five o 'clock, you know, or four o 'clock or whatever it is, wherever time you want

to shut off, you can't shut off. And then I find that when say my husband goes

out with friends on the weekend, oh man, what a great opportunity to just sneak in

a couple hours at work. And it's become an issue. So that's why I reached out to

Heather. And yeah, let's let's figure it out. Okay, so you're working more often

than you would like to be?

Yes. So I take this job very seriously, right? I'm a nine to five type of person

in this job. It looks a little different, right? Because part of that nine to five

can be traveling to different places and walking my dog as a location scouting

event. But I still take it very seriously. I have hours. I work, you know, I'm

usually at my desk by 9am. I try to stop at five. I try to take a lunch. That

just helps my brain to be a little bit more structured about it. So yes, I work

those normal hours. But then, like when my husband gets home, I'll say, oh, just

let me finish this one email, and 45 minutes later, I'm still sitting here. And

he's like, Are you done? Yeah. And it's this constant.

It's this constant, little tiny voice on the back of my head, like, you're sitting

here at home, all you're doing is watching TV or reading a book, you could be

getting more stuff done. Well, what do you think is preventing you from just working

when when you want to work instead of all of the time.

- What do I think is preventing me from working when I want to? - Yeah, just when

you want to, like your hours, you wanna work these hours, you've set these hours.

- Oh yeah, yeah. - So you can do that. But there's something preventing you from

doing that because you're working more. What is that? I feel a little disorganized,

and so during the hours that normally I would work approximately seven to eight

hours a day, I don't feel like I'm getting everything done. And that's because it's

constantly coming in, right? These clients are asking questions and setting up,

you know, inquiry appointments and ordering appointments, which is great, but like,

there's no end to it. Like - They'll email me a midnight. - Okay, tell me about

Done. What does Done look like?

- Done is this, I'm not sure this place actually exists. This Done place that I

wanna be at, which is probably 98 % of the problem. - Possibly.

- It's this space where I feel like I accomplished everything I set out to for the

day and now I can relax. Okay, for the day verse,

everything needs to be tidied up, you know, tied in a nice neat bow,

done, done, done. Yeah. What's the difference between done for the day and done,

done?

Like I said, I don't think it's ever going to be done, done. I really don't. And

that's something that I've had to like, become okay with, through coaching with you.

This thing for the day, being done for the day is, it's just like you said,

I want to wrap it up in a cute little box with a nice bow and be like, okay, I

have sent 483 emails. I mean, that's a little bit of a stretch, but you know what

I mean? Like I've sent all my emails. I finished the course that I wanted to

finish or I got that blog post up. And so what I'll, the way that I use this

against myself is that I'll finish the course and I'll put up a blog or whatever.

And then I'll be like, Oh, I got done 45 minutes early. Now I can start on

tomorrow's stuff. Oh my gosh. So you are getting done? I,

- Yes, I am getting done. And then I feel like, oh,

I must not have set my goal high enough because I finished it. - Oh, interesting.

Or you're just like super efficient. You're trying to get a jump start.

- Both of them, probably. Yeah, like I just want to get a jump start on tomorrow

because well, the stuff that I have tomorrow, I don't think I can get done either.

so I might as well get started on it today. But you did get it done. I did, yes.

So why are you telling yourself you're not getting it done?

Because I think that is going to motivate me to get it done faster. Oh,

interesting. Has it worked? No. How does it feel to continually put this pressure on

yourself by telling yourself that you are not getting enough done.

- It feels terrible, Heather. That's the truth of the matter. It feels terrible

because I'm doing this great project that is very meaningful to me and I've got

lots of clients who are excited about it as well. This should be a joyful moment

in my business. Like it's all starting to come together. Things are starting to

click into place. This is what this is supposed to look like, you know, in my

brain when I imagined it, this is what it looked like. And now on the back and

I'm beating myself up about it because I haven't gotten that blogging course done

that I really wanted to finish because it's, you know, January and I thought this

would be a slow time, but This happens to be when I launched the project. So now

it's not at all a slow time. It's a very busy time. So I'm beating myself up like

that's on my to -do list and it continues like each week, it moves to the next

week's to -do list. - Hold on. Each week you make choices and decisions as the CEO

of your business, where your time and your priorities are best spent.

- Yes. - Yeah. So it's not that it's getting pushed back and not getting done. This

is important. This is really important because your brain is telling you're not

getting these things done. The course is an example. I'm not getting this thing

done. See, this isn't done, not done, not done. When the reality is you are making

decisions about what's more important than that course. And as of this season,

it is more important to focus on the actual client work or the project rather than

watching a course.

It's more important to create in your business rather than consume.

So what if that was just a decision you made?

Well, it feels a lot lighter when you say it like that. I know. I know.

You always get mad at me when you say it like (laughing) - It sounds a lot better.

It sounds like a lot, like a smart business woman. - Which is what you are. - What

if the thought is I'm a smart business woman making choices and decisions based on

my current season and they're good choices? Because when we do what you're currently

doing, it's as if it's happening to us, not as if we made choices to do it this

way. Yeah, I see what you mean. I fully take responsibility for the fact that I'm

not getting the course done. But when you look at it, like I'm not say it

different. I'm choosing not to complete the course, because my priorities have changed

in this quarter of my business. Fair,

- Period. - Brilliant, I like it. I'm a genius. - I think it's not, let me ask you

this. Why is that a problem that you're not doing it?

- Well, this goes in deeper into my business. I feel like it's important for me to

learn the SEO course and the blogging course. And I do think that there's a lot of

value in that course and I want to learn it.

But why is it a problem that it's not getting done in this quarter?

Because I feel like the more I learn and the more educated I make myself on this

stuff, the quicker my business will grow. So which is kind of silly because now I

have the growth right now here in front of me and I'm like, wait, wait, wait, but

what about the course? Literally, you have the exact thing you're working towards,

and you're not seeing it because you're saying, well, I have to do the course in

order to get better in order to be busy. Wait a minute, Michelle. Wait a minute.

Yeah. Aren't aren't you already experiencing that success?

Yes. Once again, when you put it that way, right? Interesting to look at it like

I'm already getting the results that I want even before finishing that course.

Yeah. And there might still be value in watching that course. Of course. Of course.

There is. I love education. You know that. I watch a ton of courses, but I also

trust that I'm watching and consuming the right course at the right time for my

business based on the decisions I'm currently making. Yeah.

So how could you trust yourself?

Well, that's part of this podcast, right? Is learning how to do that is how to

learn how to trust myself because you're right. I'm

making good decisions for my business as it currently stands just because that didn't

look like I expected it to when I set my goals for the first quarter in January.

It doesn't mean I'm not doing it correctly. You know, doing it correctly is a big

deal with me, right? I just want to make sure that I'm doing everything right and

like not having a checklist and bullet points for me to look at to define what

right is, is difficult for me and I'm sure others as well that are listening.

So yeah, this is good. You just decide that you are doing it right. I just decided

right now that I am doing it right. It's done that you're doing, you're focused on

the things because you are. Yeah. You're focused on the correct things at the

correct time because of what's in front of you and then you address it and you

take care of it, which makes you a very competent business owner. Yes.

Not, not someone who's like disorganized. I don't know what I'm doing. Am I getting

the right things done? I'm not getting anything done, which also leads to sort of

the next point. What is the problem with things being undone?

Well, I really like them to be pretty incomplete.

Let's take back to psych nursing.

You have to explain this to me. It's why I'm asking. I'm sure there's a process of

like you go through schooling and then there's some type of maybe residency and then

there's employment and then there's the actual execute. Take me through that process.

Yeah, I mean you go to nursing. Psych nursing is just a specialty. So it's

basically the same for everybody for the first couple of years, you go to your

nursing school. And then during nursing school, you go through clinicals, which is

each specialty, you pick one at that time, I did not pick psych nursing, as a

matter of fact. And then once you get employed, you usually start out on a general

medical floor. Some people start out in the ICU, if they want to go more into

critical care. But you start out in the medical generally, and then you decide what

you like. And then you can get a job there, or you can transfer departments and

see if it fits. So process, there was like this process sort of like a workflow,

if you will, like of stuff to get to. Okay, so that so you then are done quote,

done with your education, maybe, right? No,

not really. You have to do continuing education. Interesting. So the interesting, the

education is never done. Okay, noted. And then you get into a job and you're

working. And I imagine it's like seeing patients and then there's a lot of charting

or documenting and that sort of thing. More documenting than seeing patients in my

experience, but yes. Yeah, it's pretty awful from what I've heard. So, okay,

so is that work ever done?

Oh, that's an interesting question.

I think the answer is yes, actually. At the end of a shift, if you've passed your

meds and you've gotten their, you know, redone their bed and they've got their bath

and they're set up and, you know, scooted up in the bed and they got their call

light in their hand. Yes. For the day. You can say for your shift, that patient is

good. Yeah. So what happens the next day? Yeah, it starts all over. Interesting.

So it's never, I mean, you're done for a shift. Yeah. And then the next day,

you're doing more and then you're done for the shift. So it's done on a sort of a

micro basis, but at a macro level, it's just continuing on forever. It's never done.

Your education is never done. It goes on forever. Yeah. That's a good point. Yes.

How does that parallel to your business? I think in nursing,

to me, it was very clear what steps to do to be done for my shift, just like I

said, right? Yes. So that's what's missing from the business. Yes, it's not clear

where done is unless you decide and you trust yourself.

That is correct. Yes. So if You trusted yourself that you made like a list for the

day and you were getting these, I always do three things, three goals for the day.

I have these three things and I trust that they are the correct things for today

and I get them done and I am relaxed. I can then make a decision to either be

done for the day, maybe even early or I can make a decision. Oh,

I feel to have energy, I'm going to get a jump start on tomorrow because I'm not

awesome. But either way, you trust that what you're doing is correct in the moment.

Yeah. That's a whole different feel. Right. With actually a similar outcome,

but it just feels so much better. Correct. Right. Right. It is the same outcome.

You're doing it, you're just framing it in a way that's causing you to stress.

Yeah, focusing on what you've accomplished for the day, and you're good, and you

trust that you got done what needed to get done, instead of what I'm currently

doing, which is focusing on, yeah, I got those three tasks done, but I still have

12 to do for the rest of expecting that that there is this elusive done anyway.

Yeah. Yeah. It's never done. Didn't Nike teach us that like there's no finish line?

It did, but we didn't listen, I guess. We didn't listen to them and yeah, maybe we

shall listen to them a little bit. It's never done. And I think the reason I

recognized this is because I had this issue early on in my business. I literally

thought I could get all my work done and be done, done, done. I don't know why I

thought this. I was delusional. I just didn't have the resources or help that I

have now to show me that that's not possible. If you're running a business, it's

ongoing. It's always going to be ongoing, which is great. You just need to make

decisions how you manage that on a daily or weekly or quarterly basis.

Yeah, that you're gonna set these goals for the day and you're going to decide that

that's enough, that's sufficient.

- Well, and the ability to be fluid about it when it changes. Because I had set up

quarterly goals in January and then everything changed when the project started.

Yes.

And now I'm, it's almost like now I'm doing two quarters worth of work and I'm not

able to finish it all. And I'm mad at myself for not being able to do 200%.

Right. Which is When you look at it like that, it's kind of silly. It's crazy.

And it's setting myself up to fail, which I am excellent at,

by the way. But I'm also excellent at getting things done and setting myself up

correctly. I just have to change my mindset about it. What could you tell yourself

differently?

That I'm getting everything done that is priority right now. But I'm teasing it.

And yeah, I'm doing it. This is what I wanted to do.

And here I am doing it. And I'm being a very good entrepreneur and a very good

business owner because my priorities have changed and my actions have changed to

support those priorities. Brilliant. You adopted like a boss.

Yes. So how could you own that in a way that feels good and light rather than,

I can't believe I'm just, I keep pushing off that course. I'm not finishing that

course. It's not done. It's undone. Ah, yeah. Is that 12 %?

It needs to be at 100%. Right. I mean, I have the, listen, it takes one to no

one. I want, I hate loose ends. I want everything tied up in that pretty bow,

and I want to just be able to move on. But I've had to start accepting a couple

of things two are popping into my mind, which is asking myself honestly,

what is the problem if something is undone?

- Right. - There is no problem. - No, because the truth is I get everything done

that's client -facing. Everything that needs to get done, the priorities are always

done. It's this stuff I'm making up in the back end, like I should be doing the

blogging course, I should be doing more elevate, I should be whatever it is,

attending more office hours with Nicole. It's okay that I'm not doing that because

that's not what my business needs me to be doing right now. I am showing up where

my business needs me. Yeah. Which means I'm making good decisions. And sure,

I might, I might like to do those things if I could, but that's not a priority in

this season. But seasons are temporary and they're always shifting. They're very

dynamic. So, but we act as if we're never going to be able to watch that course

or get to it. And that's not true. It's just, it's dynamically shifted. It's,

you asked me before, how can I change the way that I'm thinking about this?

And that's, that's the thought change right there. Not, not making myself feel bad

for the things that I'm not getting done, versus making myself feel wonderful for

the things that I have got done. There it is. That's classic gap gain mentality.

Yeah, yeah, focusing on what I'm achieving and watching out for the shoulds, because

as usual, when we say, I should be doing this thing. The extension of that is,

but I'm not, which means I'm deficient, I'm an idiot, I'm a loser,

whatever you make it mean. Right. So it's not that I should be doing anything.

I decide what I'm doing. And oh yeah, that course, I love to watch courses. Gosh,

I'm in so many training courses right now that I genuinely love and wish I could

just sit here and binge all day. But that's not the season my business is in.

- I think, I don't know if this is the case for you, but for me, like when I'm

doing a course, I wanna be 100 % in it because want to experience everything and

learn as much as I can. And it's just not available.

Like my brain space just isn't available for it. I have another course that I'm

doing and it's the same way. I want to be 100 % focused on that course. And then

when I'm not, I make it mean that I'm a terrible person and I'm an idiot and I

can't get it all worked out because I'm disorganized. There it is. - There's the

story. When you are not working on that course, you are terrible, you are

disorganized. That's the story that's causing you the distress. - Yeah.

- We just have to catch that that's happening. There's nothing, I have known you for

years now. I would never use the word disorganized to describe you.

- Well, That's good to hear and you know, that's not you you couldn't have the

background you had and be disorganized like that's just not a fit Yeah, no,

that's true. So you just cannot allow your brain to offer that to you because it's

just not true It's the story that you are assigning to something that you are doing

or not doing There's a story behind it and the story is what's causing you the us.

Not the actual thing. You know, the course sitting there, not getting done is

neutral. Right. But then there's a story.

I'm a loser. I'm disorganized. I can't get to that. I said I was going to do that

in the first quarter. Oh, look, that just proves again. I don't know what I'm

doing. I can't get it all done. Yeah. Yeah. My brain is very good, - Very good at

finding proof, to the contrary. - Correct. Looking for that evidence to support what

you're thinking. But remember, we were talking about this last week. If you look for

evidence to support where you are winning and brilliant and making really good

decisions, your brain will scan your environment and serve you up that evidence just

as easily as it would the negative. It just takes effort to switch the thoughts.

- Yeah, and catch them. That's the thing before they yeah,

right before they domino out, then I need to catch them and I'm good at catching

them for other people. I know you won't. So let's look at a day.

Let's say today you have a list of things you want to get done at the end of the

day. Let's say you've checked those but and by the way, it doesn't have to mean

anything if you don't check them. So let's be clear. Yes. Whether you get them done

or not is not the problem. It is the story you tell yourself around it.

So just be careful. But let's say just for example that you do get the things done

today. Yes.

What could you or how could you catch a thought or what could you say to yourself

to just, you know, settle your brain down.

What can I say? I could say something as simple as, you're amazing. And we're done

for the day. You got it all done. And that's, and that doesn't mean that now you

have to do everything that you're going to do on Tuesday, on Monday. Exactly. You

could choose to. Some days I have energy and I want to work ahead and some days I

don't yeah but I don't make it mean anything either way it's just like either the

energy's there or isn't I mean so what because here's what I tell myself there is

not a problem when things are left undone it's not a problem

so let me talk to you about how my brain is weaponizing what you and I have just

talked about it's brilliant, your brain is brilliant, creative, creative,

for sure. Remember how we've talked on this podcast before, in fact, about tasks,

take as long as you give yourself to complete them. How do I parallel that with

not getting things done?

Give me an example. Can you maybe say um let's say well we can just use the

course because it's on my mind right i think that course will probably take me

about two hours to complete um and in the course of a day i have logged in and

started the first video three minutes in stopped the video switched over to email

because something came in from a client and on and on and on and now it's 5 .30 p

.m. and my husband's home, wanting to-- - The whole day. - Yeah, the whole day is

gone. Like, oh, actually I needed to edit. Oh my gosh, I need to do this. I

needed to prepare a presentation for my networking group, whatever. And it just takes

a backseat and I don't get it done. - Okay, that to me sounds like you're just

being reactive in the moment, everything that's coming up, you're reacting to.

- Right, I don't like to be reactive, but in this case in my business, I don't

really have a choice and email will come in. - Don't know. Hold on, sister,

hold on. If the email wasn't up on my screen, I wouldn't know that it came in.

- That is true. - If I decide, and listen, I think you can have space in your day

for reactivity and it's not a problem. I I don't think it's a problem. It's not a

problem unless we want to do something differently. Okay, so if we say, well, this

is a challenge for me, this reactivity I got three minutes in and I wanted to do

30 minutes. Like I wanted to assign 30 minutes. Then the day before you map out

your plan, this is just like an eating protocol. You know, you take this protocol

for your schedule and you say, I'm going to give one hour from eight to nine a am

where I'm going to watch this course and I'm not even going to open my browser to

email or Facebook or whatever. So in my case, when I do that, I put it on my

iPad because I don't look at email on my iPad. Yeah. So I watch the course on my

iPad. I don't come to my desk at my computer and do it because I would do the

exact same thing. Just so you know, I would go straight to my email and be like,

Michelle needs something. Okay. You know, right? And I would happily reply. But then

I realized I've just hijacked my day. Somebody needs something. But if I, if I

decide, again, there are sections of my day where I am like laser locked in, the

phone is completely silenced. Like all notifications are off. The email is not open.

Facebook is not open. If it's that important to me, I assign it an hour and I

just do it. But But there are times in my day where I don't care as much or I'm

not as, I don't need to be as focused. So I don't have a problem doing some of

this jumping around. I think it's just a balance between the two where I'm time

walking. For example, I'm working on a training right now that really takes my

focus. So I'm like, I have one hour, I'm gonna focus on this training or two,

Sometimes I get like kind of crazy and I do two hours where I'm going to do this

and then maybe the last two hours of the day I have tasks. I want to complete but

emails open, you know, and it's okay if I Yeah, something comes in right like that.

So there's Proactive and reactive. Yeah, and I don't think it's I don't think it's

feasible to say I'm gonna be 100 % Proactive and assigning my time all day every

day. I just don't think that for me. That's just not a reason. Yeah So that

wouldn't be realistic right either, right? So I want to schedule the time to watch

the course 30 minutes Whatever it is and then I will get into my because the truth

is there is no such thing as a photographic emergency Right So if that email is up

on your screen and you know you are susceptible to reacting because you want to

reply quickly so do I. I know that about myself. It's closed right now because I

have a very large monitor. If I had my email up over here and you and I are

talking and I see like one, two, three pop up, even just the number. Yes.

I wonder if somebody needs something. (laughing) - It was closed.

- Yeah, mine's closed too for that same purpose. (laughing) - So there it is. You

just decide. - Yeah, so let me give you another example. This happened last week and

I was really beating myself up for it. I'm doing a,

I'm working with a business and I do a photo session and then I have to edit the

whole gallery because this business client gets the whole gallery. Oh, yep. Yes.

Okay. So normally, if it was just, it was a non -commercial client, I would just do

base edits, you know, and then edit fully only what they want. So, but this is a

much bigger project. So I'm editing about 35 images.

And I gave myself one day to get it done. And it was a three a project.

And so then because the other stuff fell down the list because I didn't have time

to do it because I needed to get this done, that was a perfect example of

something that I thought would only take one day and it turned into three days. And

then now I'm beating myself up because I didn't get the rest of the stuff done.

Yeah. Okay. Let me ask you this. That one day turning into three, why is that a

problem?

- That's a good question.

- What if that's not a problem? - Yeah, the commercial client certainly didn't think

it was a problem. They were just happy to have them. Didn't matter if it was on

Monday or Wednesday that they got them.

It's a problem. I'm making it a problem. - Really? - And it's not one. - That's

what's happening. - Like, isn't this so interesting though? It's like, well, this is

bad. This is wrong. You beat yourself up under the guise of this was bad.

It was wrong. Yeah. But why was it a problem?

- Yeah, nobody else thought it was a problem but me, Heather. - Interesting. And I

just made it up. So, It's like this. I was thinking of this today,

you know, if it's raining and it's just neutral, right? Well, there is weather and

it's raining and we think to ourselves. Well, I don't want to walk outside because

it's raining Okay, but why? Oh Well, I don't want to get wet.

Oh Okay, but what's wrong with getting wet? Well, it'll mess up my hair or my

clothes or something, right? Okay, so is the problem that it's raining or is the

problem I don't want my hair to get messed up?

Because if the problem is that it's raining, there's nothing I can do about it,

right? 'Cause it's gonna rain. If the problem is rain, I'm in a real pickle because

I can't control the weather. - Yes. - But if the problem is, I curled my hair today

and I don't want it to get wet, then I just wear a rain jacket or use an

umbrella. There's a solution. Yes. So what's the real problem? Is there even a real

problem? Usually the answer is no. But even if there is, if we get to the root of

it, so it's not the rain, it's the hair, well, then okay, then I can do something

about that. Right.

- Yeah, in my scenario, there's no problem. - Interesting. - I just made it up.

If I can make up problems, then I can make up other things instead, that say I'm

a genius and I'm doing amazing. - Correct. And that this client is lucky to have me

because I take my time to make these images amazing. - Yeah. - And so what?

If it took longer than I thought.

Yeah, so what I mean, I'm all about efficiency and you know, I would say okay If

there were ways for me to increase my efficiency editing if I need to give myself

less time or you need to do fewer things Okay, that's fair. We could look at those

things. Yeah, but but This is like the weather with the hair like do we need to

look at those things if it's not a problem - Well, as I'm going over in my mind

last week, it's not a problem. The reason it took me three days was not because

I'm great at editing or terrible at editing. It was because I was distracted because

my email inbox was open. - Interesting. - And or whatever, or I see a notification

on Facebook that like, oh, somebody answered a question I had or I'm answering

someone else's question. And so if I, you know, if I would have employed some of

the tactics that I've learned and taught, by the way, to other people,

where I just turn my phone on do not disturb or close out of everything except for

Photoshop and Lightroom, it may have gone quicker. But like you said, nobody was mad

at me. I was only mad at myself, so who cares? Why make up drama when there

doesn't need to be? - Correct, there doesn't need to be any. And you made a

decision to spread it out over three days so that you could be responsive in other

areas of your business. - Right. - So it was a choice. - It was a choice. - And

it's not a problem, you decided to. And I know you, if you decided to say,

"I'm going to get this done in a day and I'm turning everything off, my phone

might eat everything. I know you could have done it." Yeah, I probably would have

done it in four hours or less. The reason I know this is because years ago when I

was shooting 30 weddings a year, it would take me, well, I wanted to get a wedding

done in a week. I wanted to have the wedding done before the next wedding. That's

just the way my brain operates the best, you know, keep the anxiety at bay. So one

year, I decided to just actually time how long it took me to do a wedding. So I

was spreading it out over weeks. So when I would sit down, I would time it, you

know, what I determined was if I turned everything off and just focus, I could get

a wedding completely edited in eight hours. Okay, this is before all of the AI

before a lot of the automation, eight hours. And that was just good to know. Do I

want to sit down on a Monday and edit for eight hours straight and get it done Or

do I want to spread it out over a week so that I can give my brain a rest? I

can do different things I can respond. That was always the answer Michelle. I never

wanted to get it done in a day

Yeah, I chose getting it done in a week, which is exactly what you decided Okay,

brilliant good choice Yeah, - Probably made you a better editor too, 'cause you know,

you take a break. - Yeah. - Not a problem. - That's not a problem.

Here I am beating myself for choices that I make, but they're in the best interest.

- And they're good choices. And you're making good decisions and good choices based

on where you're at in the season of business and even in a day or a week of a

given situation. Yeah. Instead of acting like all of this is happening to us,

we just say, we reframe it by saying I'm making these choices and these decisions

and they are not a problem. Right. I had told you before we hit record,

this idea of the only way to actually get peace on the inside in your life or

your business is to give up this idea of problems.

Yeah. Why is it a problem? How is it a problem? If in when you start to boil it

down, what it invariably ends at is there's something happening that you don't like.

Right. But so what? Most of the time it's, I feel out of control.

And

a lot of A lot of the things, a lot of the outcomes are actually not in my

hands.

And so that's why sometimes I find it difficult. Because if I can't control the

outcome, if I just could say the right words or whatever to make everything happen

the way that I want it to, then all I have to do is figure out the right words.

Right. Of course. That's the checklist. All I have to do is figure that out. But

if you could detach from outcomes, trust yourself in the moment, decide there are no

problems. How much lighter would you feel? Oh, 100 % lighter.

Amazing. Yeah. So it's just this learning this is like so liberating.

And some people will say, Yes, that seems simple, but how do I do that? To which

I reply, it's just practice. It's just knowing that concept of asking yourself when

you walk out in the rain, why is this a problem? I don't want to get wet. Why is

that a problem? I don't want to mess up my hair. Okay, put on a hat. Get a

number. All right. Yeah. There's either a solution or you just let go of the fact

that there just really isn't any problem. If I don't get done my list of things

for the day, I just ask myself, why is that a problem? And if I go deep again,

like I said a moment ago, and the reason it's a problem is just because I didn't

like it.

Right. There's not actually a problem because nobody's keeping track of your schedule.

Right.

Nobody's saying you're not you're not in the ward at the hospital and nobody's

saying hey you didn't turn in your charts. Right. It's just all made up in your

head. Right. Interesting. I keep saying that. Interesting. Yeah it is interesting.

Because it is. Yeah because it's it's freeing and also a little scary because if

there's no boundaries then Where do I start? What do I do? I think sometimes for

me, at least having no boundaries is almost scarier than having boundaries I can't

meet. - Yeah, why though? Ask yourself, why? Why is not having boundaries a problem?

- There's too many options. - Again, if there's too many options, is it that you

don't trust yourself to pick the option?

- Yeah, I mean, I think - Yeah, I mean, I think that's what it boils down to.

- Because if they're all of these options, I mean, for the most part, don't we love

having options? - Yeah. - So if you trusted yourself on the choosing or the decisions

on what to do, the options, then that wouldn't be a problem. It really,

a lot of things come down to lack of trust oneself, trusting self to make the

right decisions, focus on the right areas like you with the course. But when we

talked it out, it makes sense that you should not be watching that course right now

because number one, things are happening in your business. Number two, you're focused

on client facing work, which is always, should always be the priority over

consumption. So, okay. Wow. I guess I'm doing everything perfectly awesomely well.

Yeah, once again, you've broken it down pretty cleanly. Thank you. That is what

you're good at. That is my job. Well, you know, and this whole thing of like,

getting things done, and I'm working all the time is like, well, why not just work

when you want to?

And decide that done isn't done, undone, whatever is not a problem. I'm just gonna

work when I want to because the truth is when you're, I call it sneak working,

when I sneak into my office and a weekend and you know the family's kind of

milling about, I'm choosing that. Right. So it's not like, oh,

you're an entrepreneur, you have to work all the time because it's never done. I

make choices. Yeah. And I can choose to work on the weekend and feel great about

it like oh yeah I'm getting a jumpstart next week or I can choose to work on the

weekend and feel like a delinquent like well why why didn't this get done nine to

five last week what's wrong with me I'm disorganized yeah it's just a reframe it's

just like a perspective looking at it from a different angle yeah because the truth

is this whole time I've been making choices that are good choices that make me a

great photographer and a great business owner and someone that people want to work

with, but I'm like, right, nobody that's listening can hear you just throw up your

arms like, yeah, why is this a problem? Done. But I've made it this problem because

I think that making things problems is going to push me to do things better,

but I'm already doing them great. I mean, though, why, why worry about it?

Why we, I think we have this human, I don't know, I haven't studied this per se,

but this human, like bias towards, if I beat myself up,

or there's some sort of negative, I don't know, not consequence, but thought that

that will push us forward more. Yeah. And that and it's the opposite. Because when

we feel terrible. We don't take great action. We take terrible action. Right. But

when we feel great and we're accomplishing things, we take better action and we get

there faster. That's just like a rewiring of the brain, you know, telling yourself,

beating yourself up does not create a more successful business. It never ever will.

Right. But telling yourself you're a genius, uplifting yourself, patting yourself on

the back for making good choices, great decisions, working only when you want to.

Again, it's not happening to us. Somebody isn't chaining you to your desk in the

den on the weekend. Brian goes out with his friends. I mean, that's your own

gravitational pull. Nobody's making you do that. I love to work. So I love to sneak

work and get things done. But I also have recognized my limit where I'm taking this

too far, 'cause I'm starting to feel yucky about it. - Yeah. - So then I need a

break, go read a book, go do something else. - Right. Okay, well-- - No, I already

feel lighter. With what advice would you give to someone who's having this challenge

of like, it's never done or it has to get done or I'm always behind, I should be

doing more, I should. - Yeah, I think the light bulb moment for me in this

conversation has been, you're making choices for your business. And in my case,

they are the right ones. And I would think for most of us, we're probably making

the right decisions because we wouldn't continue to be in business if we were making

the wrong decisions. So we're making the best decisions that we can.

And We're flourishing because of it. - It's beautiful use of the word, Michelle.

- Yeah, I love that. - On brand and all that. - Yeah, right. Okay, so if you're

interested in getting coached or having a conversation like this, as Michelle has

beautifully demonstrated, multiple times on the podcast, I might add, that shifts like

a 20, 30 minute who can create a completely different business. Just one shift can

make such a change. Make sure you join us on our next free complimentary coaching

workshop. Just go to www .getcoachedbyheather .com to learn more and sign up for our

next session in Michelle. Once again, thank you so much for being here. - Thank you

for having me.