Podcast Ep 342- Listen to this when you feel like nothing is working

In this powerful and impassioned episode, Heather Lahtinen shares strategies for overcoming the "nothing is working" mindset that can plague photographers and entrepreneurs. Drawing on real-life examples, coaching insights, and practical exercises, Heather equips listeners with the tools to manage their thoughts, navigate challenges, and find clarity in moments of frustration.

Whether you're thriving or struggling in your business, this episode provides invaluable insights to help you grow, adapt, and succeed.

Show Notes:

• Managing the “nothing is working” spiral
• Identifying the root thoughts that hold you back
• Why success isn’t about ease, but optimized challenges
• Practical strategies for building resilience and belief in yourself
• How to reframe obstacles as opportunities for growth

Mastermind

https://flourishacademy.mykajabi.com/offers/ocoL9p22

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https://flourishacademy.mykajabi.com/elevate

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https://flourishacademy.mykajabi.com/coaching

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Connect:

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TRANSCRIPT

You're listening to the Flourish Academy podcast and today I'm helping those of you

that feel like nothing is working. My name is Heather Lahtinen and I'm a photographer,

educator and entrepreneur and I founded the Flourish Academy as a resource for

photographers of all levels. We want to help you pursue your passion on your own

terms because we believe there is room for everyone. In this podcast, we focus on

creating breakthroughs with your mindset to discover the things that are really

holding you back in business and life. In this episode, I'm sharing a talk,

or shall I say, a rather impassioned speech that I gave during a recent elevate

strategy call. It is a very powerful way to think how about how you approach your

business both strategically and with your thoughts when you feel like nothing is

working but you're doing everything and if things are working for you in your

business right now that's great but you still need to listen and prepare for

sometime in the future when it feels like nothing is working because that's coming.

Now before I share this call I also wanted to let you know that in early January,

I'm hosting an exclusive mastermind week with photographers that really want to reach

the next level in their business. Notice that I didn't say for photographers who are

ready for the next level because you might be ready and you might not be. You

might be really afraid and very uncomfortable, but there's something in you that

knows you were made for more. The mastermind is very limited in terms of number of

photographers and honestly, it might even be sold out by the time this episode

posts, but definitely check out the link in the show notes. But as always, you can

also join me and elevate or work with me as your private one -on -one business coach

because those links are included as well. I am warning you. This training is intense

but I know you can handle it. Enjoy.

I know that some of you are struggling and it can be challenging when you see

people winning and having success and it feels like nothing is working for you but

everything is easy for them and you're doing all of the things and you and everyone

else is making six figures and they don't even have to market their business at

all. It's just so easy. And while you know that that's not true,

it's just because your brain is messing with you. And just for the sake of data,

in Elevate, there are 10 .02 % making $100 ,000 or more per year.

10 .02%, I calculated it, and by the way, who cares about that number anyway?

I know that many of you are just aiming for it because you think you should be,

but I also know that some of you could choose to be quite content with bringing

in, I don't know, $16 ,000 a year or maybe $42 ,000 a year. I would encourage you

to stop aiming for what you think you should want and decide what you really want

and what makes sense for you. I have seen your posts. I see that you are

struggling. And yesterday, I had about approximately one million ideas before I got

out of bed in the morning about how I can best support you. And I figured the

best way was to take Really quick immediate action on these ideas that were

presented to me, you know, I don't want the idea fairy to pass by me the next

time. So I'm going to execute quickly. I worked on this a decent part of yesterday,

which was Sunday, by the way, I never work on Sunday. And I have been furiously

typing all morning And I just, you know, this morning, so today's Monday, yesterday

was Sunday, working like crazy, nonstop on this. It was not on the plan.

And I'm letting you know this because I don't want you to ever, not for one

singular second, doubt how much I care about you or your success or what's happening

to you. I am asking you right now, maybe I should say this to myself.

I'm asking you to take a deep breath and tune into every part of this training

because I believe it is a master class in mind management and success.

I apologize in advance for the extreme examples that I have created, but not really

because I'm never going to stop experimenting with my approach until we get the

results that we want.

My only job is to believe in you until you believe in yourself.

I don't know your journey, but I do know that every part of it is happening to

serve you to make you better and to set you up for your next level. And I am

going to remind you of that when you need reminding. And even when it's really,

really bad and you can't hear what I'm offering or maybe I get on your nerves or

you roll your eyes at me, I want you to know that I can handle it. I can hold

space for your disbelief because it does not scare me. And because I know that you

are capable of so much more, definitely more than you think.

My only job is to believe in you until you believe in yourself. Right now, today,

this is for those of you that feel like nothing is working, even though you are

doing all of the right things. It feels like all of your effort is in vain, and

you're tired, and I just want you to know that I see you.

Usually what happens is an event occurs or a circumstance happens,

like maybe a client that you were sure was going to book you, like you had a

really good connection, you're sure they're going to book you and they don't. Or

maybe they send you the fee and then they cancel and they want their money back

and your first thought is nothing is working.

And then your brain whispers to you, you know what, you're right.

Look at all of these reasons that nothing is working. And then it just has a field

day presenting you with the evidence that you just asked for.

It's like saying, "Hey, brain, "please show me all of the ways nothing is working.

And so then what happens is all of a sudden someone who just ordered thousands of

dollars of wall art emails you because they changed their mind so they want to

cancel or you attend an event and you get 10 emails and no one responds except

wait that one person one person responds and they tell you that they had sticker

shock when they saw your prices and you're way too expensive and then you get an

inquiry that is requesting the lowest possible price on all of the digital and then

you question your pricing but the reason you question your pricing is because you

didn't totally believe in it in the first place and then you feel torn because

every single client wants cheap digital and other photographers are telling you well

wait you're too cheap you need to raise your price and you need to sell wall art

but clearly that's not working, which means this is never going to work. And then

you get an inquiry and you dare, you dare to hope just a tiny little bit,

but you never hear back, which naturally means everyone is rejecting you. And it's

always because of the price and clearly they don't value what you offer. So, you

know, why even bother? This is just way too much to keep going and trying because

all of these awful things are simply compounding and I just can't handle it. And

I'm tired. I'm tired and I feel like it's all my fault. And the next thing you

know, you have fallen on the couch. It has sucked you in and you're feeling utterly

defeated and beat down because your brain just offered you everything that you asked

for and

you're trying to manage all of these thoughts which of course can be exhausting like

no kidding because you think all of these things that are happening they are all

wrong everything is wrong everything is bad but what if it isn't What if this

reality was exactly what was supposed to happen in your journey, it's just part of

your journey to get you to the next level? It's just something to consider. But

what I want to do is break down every component of this scenario, starting with the

thought that kicked it all off. Do you remember what that thought was? Nothing is

working. I'm actually going to examine all of the thoughts in that scenario, but the

interesting thing is that they all spiraled from this top level thought,

which if we could catch and really start to examine would prevent all of the other

thoughts that followed. If we tackled the one thought,

it would make the others go away or somewhat irrelevant. The root thought is the

one that we need to catch and examine before it spirals into a thousand others that

compound and feel completely overwhelming and unsolvable.

It reminds me of the opening in the book by Dan Heath,

it's called Upstream, and the subtitle is "The Quest to Solve Problems Before They

Happen." And in the opening chapter, he says, there are these friends,

they're alongside of a river and they're having a picnic. This is just a made up

story. They're having a picnic and all of a sudden they're interrupted by this

horrible sound. There's a child in the river drowning. And so of course they jump

in, right? They save the child and it's like, whoa, okay, we saved this child. This

is amazing. They no sooner get out of the river and they hear another one. They

hear more splashing. There's another kid in the river. They pull that kid out and

then it happens again. And then it happens again and they're exhausted. They just

keep pulling these drowning kids out of the river. And then at this point, one of

the friends walks away and the other one is like, yo, where are you going? And he

said, I'm going upstream to figure out who's throwing these kids in the river.

What would it look like to go upstream of your thoughts to find that root one that

if you tackled, it would make the others almost irrelevant. They might be there in

a separate capacity, but they wouldn't be in the same spiral.

Now, if I were coaching you in this scenario, There are a couple of different

directions I would take it. So I'm almost giving you a sneak peek into my thought

process. And naturally it depends on the context or the person.

But if someone comes to me, which they often do,

with nothing is working, then I would ask, nothing is working?

Question? and you would say, "Correct, nothing is working." And then you would

present me with evidence and I would say, "Okay, hold on, are you 100 % absolutely

certain that nothing is working?" And you would say, "Yes, look, I have this

evidence. I could show it to you." And then I would say, "Okay, could you argue

this in a court of law? Could you take this before a judge and a jury and say,

"Look, "Nothing is working." And you might give me some pushback on this and you

probably would, but at some point you would have to agree that it's not, quote,

"Everything is not working." It's that some things aren't working. It's interesting,

however, that you really wanna give me all of the evidence as to why nothing is

working. You really wanna fight for those so you can keep them, but have you ever

considered the opposite?

Okay, there are some things that are not working. Yes, understandable.

Tell me what is working, and then your brain will go to work on scanning your

environment to show you what is working, but you will actually be reluctant to

present those to me.

It's pretty interesting as well, isn't it? But you ask your brain a question and it

will deliver answers every single time based on what you asked it. And remember, it

wants to prove you right.

At the very least, focusing on the list that is working,

like what is working will help you to feel better. And once you feel better,

your emotions will improve somewhat. And then we can go back to what isn't working

to look for solutions. At which point, I would ask you, what specifically isn't

working? And why do you think it's not working? Like, you know, just give me your

theories. What do you think is going on here and then you might be tempted to say

to me I don't know

but I don't know in my mind equals stop asking me questions Heather leave me alone

nothing is working and you just won't convince me otherwise I just want you to

notice that saying I don't know is avoidance behavior.

You do know you have some ideas, but maybe you don't want to know and it's easier

to just keep hiding, which is fair. I do not blame you. It can be really

uncomfortable to find your role and make changes, but what if that's what is

necessary to break you out of this current obstacle or challenge that you're facing,

believing that nothing is working.

I think that having a business is constantly bouncing back and forth between these

two things. I'm a genius, everything is working, or I'm a loser, nothing is working.

If we recognize that this is to be expected, and you will learn from the tools

that I'm going to present you today, then it will make this bouncing back and forth

a little less jarring. So when you wake up tomorrow and you feel like a loser and

nothing is working, you can just say to yourself, "Oh, right, no kidding, I expected

this." And then next week, something might work and you'll feel great.

Yep, I expected that. Okay, not a problem. Now, I want to go back to the scenario

I presented

When I said, you know, you you felt like nothing is working and then your brain

whispered to you Here you go, and I have all of these things listed And when I

take a step back and recognize that if we tackle the nothing is working Then all

of the rest of these are irrelevant, irrelevant, right? I said that. But I do want

to just quickly highlight what or how I would coach you on these individual items

should they come up separately. But I just want to state for the record that these

wouldn't even come into play because they wouldn't have gone into your spiral if you

had stopped your brain from, wait, wait, Nothing is working. Wait, hold on. Let's

really look at that.

So, okay, let's say somebody orders wall art, something from you, and they send you

an email and they cancel because they changed their mind. If that happened in

isolation of everything else, it might feel disappointing, but you'd be like, okay,

I mean, that happens. And since I believe in my pricing and I'm in demand, there's

a line of people out the door, I just be like, okay, bummer, yes. And next, and I

would just move on to the next.

Second, you attend an event and you get 10 emails, no one responds except the one

person that says they have sticker shock.

Well, actually these next three I'm looking So somebody says they have a sticker

shock, an inquiry that requests all of the digital is really cheap. And then you

question your pricing and then everybody wants cheap. All of these really go under

the same umbrella of your pricing belief or your belief in yourself and your clients

and your pricing. When these things happen and you feel something, it maybe triggers

you in some way, then you just ask yourself, oh, you get curious. So interesting.

Where have I fallen out of belief with my pricing? And you go back to the belief

triad and you see what you need to cultivate or the belief ladder. You can look

that one up as well. You go back to that one and you see, where do I need to

cultivate more belief in myself and my clients and my pricing? I've just slipped out

of belief. It's not a problem. It's always going to happen. You're acting like these

things are never going to happen. They are. So instead of making it a problem that

it happens. You just get curious and then you go watch a training, you schedule a

lifeline, you post in the group, you talk to someone about it, you normalize it and

you're like, oh, no kidding. We're always gonna slip out of belief about our

pricing. But when you really, really believe in it and you sink into it,

it's gonna be faster to get back on track and it's not going to impact you as

month. You're not going to catastrophize and spiral on that thought because you're in

belief and you just need to check some thoughts. If people want all of the

digital's really cheaply, like, are you really surprised by that?

Like no kidding. I want all of the files to and I don't want to pay for them.

Okay, that that is not speaking to to the quality of your work or your value as a

photographer, people want things cheap. Okay, so what? We don't need to take that

personally or make it about ourselves. We just need to examine our thoughts around

that. When you're not examining your thoughts, you're not managing them, they tend to

compound and it starts with things like nothing is working or everybody thinks I'm

too expensive, my prices aren't right. And then you spiral with thoughts that jumped

on that train of association. I'm telling you, you need to either stop the train or

pull it into the station and be like, hold on, what is the thought here that

kicked all of this off? And how could we examine it?

If you're able to do this, and listen, nobody's going to master it, but If you're

able to start looking at your thoughts and examining them and getting more curious,

you'll see a couple of things. You'll turn down the dial on the impact they have

on you. You'll get out of things faster and you won't feel so darn tired and

exhausted by everything.

They just compound, we allow them to compound with this giant, it's like laundry.

You look at this giant pile of laundry and to a wound because it compounded when

you just like throw a load in who cares and then it just gets done

you might think that you want an easy life or you want your business to be easy

or you want it to be easy to get clients in your business but success does not

equal happiness nor does ease. And happiness is not the absence of suffering.

When people look back at their lives, they are always happiest about the things that

they did that were maximally challenging. Those are the stories that they tell. Those

are the stories that you share because those are the things you are most proud

You don't, you don't share that you had all of this ease and things were so

simple. You always share about what you overcame.

So what you want is not ease or absence of challenge. I think what you want,

if you're really thinking about it, you may not think you want it right now, but

you can trust me on this. What you want is some version optimized to suffering.

That's what you're looking for. You're probably like, okay, Heather. But like,

think of it this way. If you were, this is the only one I could come up with. I

couldn't come up with a better one. So just whatever. If you were a six foot seven

basketball player, and you were playing against your three foot four inch nephew,

you

would crush him. So why would you just not always play against people you can

humiliate? Why not just have a ton of money so you can photograph whatever you want

for free? Why not?

Because when you are playing the game, you aren't just playing the game, you are

trying to become a better player, which is why you actually want to play against

someone who is better than you because you would have to then drop bad habits, pick

up new ones in order to improve. You want to be pushed by the person you are

playing against. It is not happiness. It is not the absence of suffering. It is an

optimized challenge in the pursuit of making you better.

I think this is a better definition of success because it integrates the journey.

The success is not just like I've reached this, I achieved this. If you got

everything you wanted, right when you wanted it, then it would not be good for the

extended version of you.

For the future expanded version of you, those versions need you to not get what you

want so that you can improve your skill set. It also gives you more clarity and

focus and you can imagine that getting more skills and gaining more clarity will

lead to the success that you desire, right?

It is okay to feel defeated and disappointed. You are a human.

It is not Okay, to stay there. And success is not a place that you would get to

and stay anyway. So you might as well get used to this. Success is not an end

state. It is a journey.

If you could take, okay, this is me, okay. I'm just grabbing me. If you could just

take a hot bath and relax and lay around and eat cookies and spend easy fun

quality time with everyone that you love it would be great for about a week and

then you would blow it up because you would not only want something different but

you would want you would seek a challenge to overcome you were built to solve

problems and to work your way through obstacles.

I promise you you do not want it to be easy.

You were built for this. We have this silly notion that if we had enough clients

and we were making a ton of money everything would be great. It would just be all

right no problem. I hate to break it to you but your brain is going to follow you

to that place. So you'll never be short of challenges because your brain is always

going to brain. No matter how much money you have,

no matter how easy,

your brain is going to follow you and it's gonna cause you trouble. It's gonna

fabricate problems so that you can solve them.

We are not meant, we are not built to feel good and satisfied all the time.

We are built for adventure and for challenge and being pushed to the edge of

something you need to solve for.

The next time you're struggling or maybe you're struggling now, I just want you to

take a deep breath and just remind yourself that you were built for this.

I also believe that success is the courage of hope,

certainly in your business, in my business, often. There are reasons to be

discouraged. But if you see that life is challenging and /or that business is

scourging and you still dare to hope, then that's courage and that is the core to

what constitutes success.

And if you can't cultivate this or you don't believe me and you don't want to hear

it, then there is a high probability that you are actually blind to the

opportunities that are right in front of you. Your brain won't allow you to see

them.

And obstacles are hints of where you should go or what you need to work on.

They are clues.

And if you looked at it this way, then you might feel differently about them when

you face them instead of lamenting. Oh my gosh, another problem, another you.

It's never going to end. You might say, "Wow, look at this clue.

Look at this opportunity to get better, to solve a problem, to build more skills."

Because you know that more skills will lead you further down the path. Don't wish

it were easier. Wish you had more skills. And

you might be thinking Right now Heather Shut up.

I Just don't have your attitude. I can't cultivate that right now I don't have a

good attitude because right now everything just sucks It's a barrage of awfulness and

it's awful

Okay Then work on your attitude

Because it's one of the major keys to success is having a good attitude in spite

of what's happening in your circumstance line. Or trying to cultivate a different way

to look at something to feel a little bit better instead of hopping on that train

of association and allowing the spiral. The

Pathway to success is a set of interesting problems to solve.

Pathway to success, journey to success, a set of interesting problems to solve.

They will never go away. When I see all of this struggle and arm waving about

these problems and I just wish they weren't here, I'm like, well, then you would be

dead because you have to have problems to solve.

I am absolutely, I have been and continue to be on and off this boat.

I can completely relate to this. It can be exhausting to constantly manage your

thoughts in a positive direction when the reality is completely different.

But that's because you believe that your reality right now is the problem that

where you're at It's wrong. It's bad

But what if it isn't? What it's what if it's just your thoughts about reality your

your circumstance and then there are your thoughts

I can't argue with or resist reality because when you do,

you multiply your own suffering. Byron Katie says that when you argue with reality,

you lose but only 100 % of the time.

I took a walk a few weeks ago on our property and it was when it first started

getting cold and we had had a series like we had actually, it hot for a really

long time later than it normally is, and it was really cold, and I got kind of

bundled up and I went outside and I was like, oh my gosh, it's freezing, it's

freezing, I'm cold, I'm cold, this is awful, it's so cold, and I wanted to take a

really long walk in the woods and would I be able to do it because it's so cold,

and then I had a good chuckle at myself, I calmed down for a minute, and I said

out loud, and I repeated this, I said, cold is not a problem, Is it just cold?

Oh, maybe that example doesn't drive at home enough. How about this? When my brother

died, I thought, "My brother is dead." But he shouldn't be,

arguing with reality, magnifies grief and acceptance releases it because here's the

thing I was arguing with he's dead he shouldn't be dead but he is dead which means

the reality is that means he should be dead because that's the reality follow

the logic

accepting reality and not making it a problem. And by the way,

side note, this is a pretty strong statement coming from someone who lost her hero

and protector at the age of 19 in a tragic car accident.

But that was the reality. Whatever's happening in our businesses, this is the

reality. What does it tell me? Okay, yes, I don't like it. Okay. Again,

that's fair. But I'm going to start experimenting until I shift it into reality that

I would, a reality that I would like to experience.

But then, you know what, I'm tired. I was tired. It's exhausting.

I just, you know, let's give up.

But that's like, That's like a doctor performing CPR on a patient and and the

patient dies, okay? Which I imagine has to be awful and then he or she does it

again and the next patient dies and the next patient dies and And and at this

point the doctor like eight times patients have died have coded He can't revive them

CPR didn't work So when the next patient comes in and this code blue situation,

whatever they call it, should that doctor just stand there and say, you know what,

why bother? It doesn't work. It doesn't work. It hasn't worked for me the last

eight times.

I don't think that's what a doctor thinks.

I think a doctor thinks it doesn't matter if it didn't work for the last eight

times. I will never stop trying to save people's lives.

I know that I am an extreme person with these examples. I know that. But what if

you took your business that seriously?

Personally, I don't like the alternative, my business not working. So it's like CPR.

I'm just never going to stop trying. I will never stop trying.

It does not mean I might be tired and it might get, of course, but if I expect

that and then reality happens, circumstance happens and I say, okay, man, what am I

learning here? What is this telling me? What does this make possible? Deep breath,

get the help that you need. I get the help that I need through my mastermind,

through my coach, through some of my friends that are on word and understand it,

then I just continue to persevere.

And guess what you do when you do that? You build resilience.

And you believe in the courage of hope.

Sometimes we feel really tired of like ourselves.

I do get sick of myself sometime. That's actually not where I'm going with this,

but you get really tired of feeling like this is your fault. Like, oh my gosh,

this is all falling apart and it's my fault. Yes, you have a responsibility.

You know, responsibility means your ability to respond. And that's actually exciting

because it's now within your control, which means it's empowering. I had this shirt

years ago, it was a workout shirt that I wore so much. When's the last time you

wore something that you literally wore it out and had to throw it away? That like

never happens to me, but this shirt it did. And it was big bold letters and it

said, "Everything is my fault." And I think that there are two versions of this

statement. There is this dejected, "Everything is my fault.

Nothing is working. This is terrible. what am I going to do? There's that. In my

case, that shirt was, "Everything is my fault," which makes me responsible for

changing it. I am empowered. I loved that shirt all the time. Everything is my

fault. But I wasn't using it against myself.

I was using it to encourage myself into action and empowering like, "Oh,

I don't like this. I can change it, I can do something different.

I fully recognize that there are people watching and listening that are feeling some

version of moved or maybe even compelled to keep trying and there are some people

that can't just can't receive this info right now and that is okay because a seed

has been planted. And furthermore, I will continue to nurture that seed until it has

sprouted. Speaking of which, have you ever read or seen anything on the bean

experiment? They use beans a lot of times, but they'll get three cups, they'll plant

bean seeds in each cup, and then they'll talk really nice to one seed, like

affirmations, you know, you're a beautiful, big, strong seed, you sprout all kinds

of, how are you would talk to a seed, okay? And then there was a control seed

that you didn't speak to and there was one that you just tore down. You just like,

like, you don't even know how to grow straight, you grow the wrong way, your

sideways, your weak, you won't make like those kinds of things. Have you seen this?

This, okay, I don't want to brag, but I'm pretty sure my mom originated this

experiment. I remember her talking to her plants in the 80s,

and I'd be like, "Mom, why are you talking to the plants?" And she's like, "They

love it. "They love me, and I love them, and I nurture them." And then they grow,

and she always had a green thumb. My mom still can grow and nurture anything. You

know how some people say they don't have a green thumb? Well, they're probably

talking mean to their plants. I don't know. But, and actually a few years ago my

son Evan did this and as a science experiment, I believe it was in biology class,

and he brought home the beans and we did it and sure enough, the bean that you

talk nice to sprouted did really well. The being that didn't get talked to just did

okay. And then the one they talked to native to just like faltered grew sideways,

we're back into the dirt like all kind of did all kind of stupid bean things

things, you know, because they're on brains. And it was so interesting because how

are you talking to yourself?

I want you to really think about this. They have proven it with beans. And you're

talking to yourself, oh, I'm stupid. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm a loser.

I'm an idiot.

Are you really trying to grow and succeed from that place?

Don't be a mean being to yourself. Don't do it You could start by talking to

yourself like a bean that wanted to grow Rather than one that you wanted to poison.

I don't mean to be extreme. Yes, I do You could be poisoning yourself with your

own thoughts.

You probably are. So even when I falter, or I miss something,

or I don't know, something isn't working.

Okay, occasionally I will call myself an idiot, but I try not to. I try to catch

it and say, like, no, you're brilliant. You just didn't understand that thing and

you'll learn it. And that just gave you the skill To get better Look up the bean

experiment and then look at those be there's pictures of it all over the internet

So you could see the the sprouts and the like little Dixie cups I just want you

to think of how you're talking to yourself in these times of struggle Is it helping

to nurture and grow yourself like your own self -talk? Where's it killing you

and Whether you want to hear it or not, I'm going to tell you straight to your

face. You are in more control of that than you think. You could absolutely tell me,

"But Heather, it's really hard. It's really hard when the reality is this." My

response to that would be, "Okay, if you say so." The rest of that call was

coaching with members in Elevate to help them work through their specific

circumstances, also known as the reality that they are facing. And I've been getting

a ton of feedback. It was so helpful and so useful. And I hope that you found it

valuable. I'll see you in the next episode.