Podcast Ep 325 - Navigating Mom Guilt: Strategies for Finding Balance

In this episode of the Flourish Academy Podcast, Heather Lahtinen addresses an issue for many working moms: mom guilt. Heather dives into a recent client dilemma, where a photographer struggled with the choice between attending a key industry event and spending time with her children.

She shares practical strategies for overcoming these challenges, emphasizing the importance of aligning decisions with personal values and debunking the myth that you can’t excel in both your business and family life. Tune in to learn how to make empowered decisions, manage mom guilt, and create a balanced, fulfilling life.

Show Notes:

• Recent client’s struggle with balancing a key industry event and family time.
• How value conflicts create stress and the pitfalls of black-and-white thinking.
• Strategies for reconciling business goals with family life, including prioritizing values and challenging irrational thoughts.
• Personal experience of balancing family and personal values with work commitments.
• Encouragement to embrace both business and family roles, and a reminder to challenge guilt-driven thinking.

Mom Guilt: Causes & 13 Tips for Overcoming

https://www.choosingtherapy.com/mom-guilt/

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TRANSCRIPT

You're listening to the Flourish Academy podcast, and today we are talking about mom guilt. My name is Heather Lahtinen. I'm a photographer, educator, and entrepreneur,

and I founded the Flourish Academy as a resource for photographers of all levels. We want to help you pursue your passion on your own terms because we believe there is room for everyone. In this podcast,

we focus on creating breakthroughs with your mindset to cover the things that are really holding you back in business and life. I've talked about guilt in several previous episodes,

specifically episode 261, and my general thought is that guilt should be saved for criminals. And if you are not a criminal, then you can safely drop that word from your vocabulary.

Recently, a client came to me with a dilemma. She knew she was in a value conflict, but she was struggling to reconcile her thoughts. She sent me a Voxer message because,

side note, if you are in our elevate program, you have the ability to purchase VIP Voxer access so that you can ask me questions at any time. That way,

you're never stuck. You never feel overwhelmed because we can work through it really quickly. So I'm going to read you part of the message. I'm going to leave out a few details just to protect her identity.

And it doesn't matter anyway. But she essentially said she was dealing with FOMO, Fear of Missing Al, and Business slash Mom Guilt,

because there was a two -day event in her town that was around her niche, what she focused on in photography. And her two main competitors would be there.

and then values,

and the idea of being at a booth for two days for the entire weekend sounds pretty terrible, but I also need to grow my business and reach more people. And what I noticed immediately in this message is that she was making this an either -or decision.

It was black and white, and one was wrong, and one was maybe right, and they were in direct conflict with one another. Like, I need to be with my kids, but I also need to grow my business,

oh my goodness, what am I going to do? And she felt this panic because she was thinking her competitors would get all of her potential clients.

So when you think my competitors are going to get all of my potential clients, of course, you are going to feel panicked. And then your behavior is going to reflect that.

You're going to ruminate, question your decisions, oh my goodness, what should I do, et cetera. But I would start there. I would first ask, okay, really? Are they going to get all of your potential clients?

Who says that all of your potential clients are going to be there? And are there so few of those people that there wouldn't be any more that could potentially book you?

Like, logically, it just doesn't make any sense. And this is what happens. Your brain makes up these stories. It doesn't make any sense, but when you don't talk it out, it gets very confusing in the,

you know, dark recesses of your mind. So that's where the panic was coming from. But also there was this feeling of guilt, whether she was a good mom or a good business owner.

This is where the black and white thinking comes in, because there is this belief that we cannot be both. And she said she had made a decision based on where she wanted to be.

And that's because she knows her values. If you know your values and what's important to you, then all of your decisions are made before you encounter them.

Everything else is just mind drama. Let me give you an example. I don't think I shared this here. I believe we were talking about this on a call inside of Elevate, but if I did, okay, just roll with it.

Recently, my daughter, Ella, who is 21, and her roommate, asked me if I wanted to go get ice cream with them. Now, okay, first of all, I love ice cream, but I try not to eat it all of the time,

and this was at 8 .30 at night, which is my bedtime. I also don't like to eat after dinner. We eat dinner at six, and then there's no snacking and there's no eating after that,

except on rare occasions. So in my mind, or you could look at this as maybe a direct value conflict, I want to go to bed, I don't eat after dinner. Those things are important to me.

But my daughter is asking me to go have ice cream with her and her friend. I have this rule that I live by. If my adult children,

ask me to do something with them. The answer is always yes. If it's possible, I'm going to do it. Because I know that,

the decision was made instantly. Yes, I'll go get ice cream with you. Even though not eating after dinner and going to bed early is a priority for me, it is more important for me to spend time with my children,

especially when they ask me to do something with them. If you know your values and you know the priority of those values, all of your decisions are made before you encounter them.

And besides, what's with this thought that you can either be a good mom or a good business owner? Why can't you be both? Do you really believe that the only person that should be with your children,

24 -7 is you. Like, might need other influences around them so that they can learn new and different things that maybe you can't teach them?

What do you think is going to happen if you leave your children with another person and pursue what you love in terms of your business?

Do you think their world's going to fall apart? Or do you think they might be inspired? Maybe not now, but they're learning the lesson that you do things that you anything for myself,

only for them. Well, that kind of sounds like a martyr to me. And a martyr complex is a pattern where someone sacrifices their own needs to serve others,

even at the expense of their own well -being. And people with martyr complexes may also seek out suffering and challenges so that they get the praise or reward for their self -sacrificing behavior.

Now, I do not for a second think that this person was doing that. I'm saying that this could be part of the issue. So maybe that's you. Maybe that's not you.

Maybe you're like, nope, Heather, I just feel bad. I just want to be around my kids. Okay, that makes sense. Of course you do. But why are you choosing to sacrifice everything everything for that.

What's the thought driving the feelings and the behavior? Maybe the guilt, maybe it's not so much guilt, but maybe it's just a resistance to the decision.

Like you're not in acceptance of this is what I decided. I remember when my kids were little and I love, love, love my job and I love, love my kids, that if I were with my kids,

I was always thinking, man, I wish I could be working on my business. And then I was working on my business, oh my gosh, I should be with my children. And so what I was doing is creating a lose,

lose scenario for myself. I just didn't realize at the time that I was choosing it. I was putting myself in a very, very serious either or situation.

And I was always miserable. I wonder if I was in that position now, how I would approach it. But my thoughts are I would just be present and recognize that life is dynamic and filled with many different things and that guilt doesn't serve me to feel guilty one way or the other.

And just think to myself, I am spending the appropriate amount of time in my business. I am spending significant amounts of time with my children and it's all good.

It does not have to be a problem. And as her and I kind of worked this out on Voxer, she realized that there really was not an issue here.

She wanted to be with her kids, period. And she didn't have to feel like being with her kids meant that her business was going to fail, that if she stayed home, she wasn't putting herself out there enough to get clients,

that she could get clients other ways, she could spend more time on her business next week. And again, once we talked that through, it became very clear to her. I should also mention that,

you know, if you have a situation like this where you're spinning on whatever it is, if you give me 20 minutes, I promise you we could get this wrapped up. And I actually looked back at the Voxer messages,

and I only spoke for about three and a half minutes, and she typed some of her message, and she spoke for about two minutes, and it was all cleared up, something that she was really struggling with. I will say again,

coaching is life changing. But okay, if you still have Mom Gale, I'm going to post a link in the notes to an article I found from Choosing Therapy .com.

I just really quickly want to give you these 13 tips for how to overcome mom guilt. I'm not going to get into each one of them because if you're interested, you can dive into the article.

Number one is to practice self -compassion. Number two is to communicate and ask for help, which is what this client did. Number three is to identify your supports.

Number four is to let go of expectations. Number five is if possible, hire an extra hand. Number six, remember who you are beyond motherhood.

Number seven, schedule some time to relax. Number eight, practice gratitude often. Number nine, take one tantrum at a time.

I guess this is a person with small children. Number 10, identify the sources of guilt. Number 11. Recognize irrational thoughts. Again,

that's what we did here. Number 12, leave the haters behind. And number 13, listen to your children and your intuition. You can be a great mom and a good business owner.

Number one, you just have to believe that that's possible. And then you your journey with perfect timing and there's not actually an issue here,

just your thinking. So if you just clean up your thoughts, you could eliminate your suffering. I hope that you found this useful. I'll see you in the next episode.